This Is Our Story
by BoundaryOfLimitation
Summary: My name is Lavi, his name is Yuu..I am a bookman with commitments, he is an exorcist with burdens. Our hearts were once cold and hard. Somewhere along the way we fell in love..And this is our story..Final chapter uploaded! It's complete..one EXTRA added!
1. Chapter 1

**I wish I own this anime...But no such luck... Please excuse me for my lousy grammar and comment me if you like... Enjoy the story...LavixKanda...**

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_**Time is like a weightless burden**_

I don't remember how long exactly it had been since I left something called heart behind. It was left behind quite unwillingly but somehow, brain always gets its way and wins. Always.

I travel around the world to witness history and events, listen to stories and gain knowledge. That is my one and only job and I have to do it well. My master taught me many things. I can speak, read and write in languages more then the ten fingers in my hands. I can read a four hundred page book in slightly more then two hours. I memorize everything I see, not to mention everything I read and hear. I never forget. It used to be a good thing, but now with all my heart, I wish I could forget.

My name is Lavi. I'm the Junior Bookman.

_**I ran and ran and ran but why am I still here?**_

I think it was five years ago, I came to this place called Black Order. Somehow I could control and use Innocence, I became an exorcist. I was only about thirteen that time. There was only one reason why my master and I came and that is to witness history.

This guy named Lavi, which is the 49th me is a cheerful guy who is always up to mischief. He is sweet and kind and loved by everyone. Well, almost.

The first mission I got was with this guy. Not just any guy but a beautiful guy who is easily mistaken as a girl. He has long silky black hair that was tied up in a high pony tail and straight bangs that lay just below his eyebrows, cold deep sapphire blue eyes and skin as pale and smooth like milk. Just like a pretty doll. You might think he's the perfect guy, like a doll should but think again. He was and still is the most cold hearted person I've ever met in my life.

"Che"

That was the word he greeted me with when we first met. It took me the rest of my life to figure out what language that was but I never found out.

"Hi miss, my name is Lavi." I remembered I held out my hand to shake his but all I received was dangerous eyes glint back at me angrily.

"Miss?" he spat at my face, frowning.

Oo-kay. I don't understand.

"Oh, are you married then or you prefer to be called madam?" I asked sliding further away from him in the seat of the moving train.

In a mere second, before I even have the time to blink my eye, a shiny long samurai sword was pointing dangerously at me. My heart nearly failed as I tried to make my brain function and do something before I get killed by this dangerously beautiful creature.

"I'm not a woman." He muttered under his breathe angrily.

Oh.

I sat there gapping like a retarded gold fish as he sank back to his seat opposite me and sheath his sword. Then he turned his beautiful face to the window and looked out, totally pissed off.

He was a man. A very strong one too and his personality and behavior amuses me. I stopped gapping and grinned at him.

He eyes narrowed and frowned deeper.

"What are you smiling at." He asked clearly annoyed.

"You of course." I grinned wider.

"Che" he rolled his eyes and turned back starring out his window.

"Baka Usagi." He cursed under his breathe.

Say what?

And hence, the start of my stupid rabbit career.

The mission was the most terrible week of my life. Not only I was stuck with this insanely beautiful, anti-social guy, he called me "baka usagi" every time he talks to me. Which wasn't often though but enough to make me feel depress. Which part of me looks like a rabbit anyway?

When we were finally on our way back to Black Order, this amusing guy sat opposite me as usual starring out the window.

"What's so interesting out there?" I asked trying to break the silence for a bit.

No reply.

"What's your name?" I tried again, smiling my famous fake smile at him.

He turned to look at me.

"Don't use that smile on me, it doesn't work.' He said his face empty.

Ouch. He can tell.

I laughed. "So, what is your name?" I asked again.

"Che, none of your business."

"Aww, don't be mean. I told you mine so tell me yours." I pouted at him.

He looked at me with disgust.

"I didn't even ask."

Another ouch.

"Why are you cold? Your words are hurting my poor fragile heart." I said without thinking, acting hurt.

He growled. Yeah, he really did growled.

"Stay away from me."

No mistake, he was indeed the most cold hearted person in the world.

"What's so great about his name anyway, I was just trying to be friendly-"I sulk and started muttering darkly to myself then lay my body down on the long cushioned bench with my back to him.

"I just want to be a friend, not a fiend but he's so cold-"I continued finding it more and more interesting when I heard another growl from his direction.

"I thought I was a nice guy, but he in particular dislike me and-"

"Would you shut up already?" he finally yelled after a whole ten minutes listening to me muttering darkly to myself with my back facing him.

I turned around, acting surprised.

"I wasn't even talking to you." I said innocently and I wished I had never said those words.

In a split second, Mugen (the name of his sword) was at my throat pressing dangerously against my skin.

Shit.

The raven haired guy looked at me with such annoyance and hatred; I just sat there and once again gap at him.

"Come on, put that thing away. I was only joking." I said nervously inching away, only to be pressed down harder.

I put my hands up to surrender

"Okay, okay, I'll shut up, just put that thing away." My voice was shaky.

After a long minute, he growled one last time at my face then sank back to his seat, the sword still in his hand looking shiny and threatening.

I let out a breathe that I didn't realized I was holding.

Peace was restored and we sat in silence for a long time, me humming a little tune to myself from time to time.

A pair of deep icy blue eyes tore its gaze from the window to look at me and mumbled something.

"What? I didn't get that." I said grinning at him.

"Che"

Oh, that again.

"I said," he looked annoyed. "My name is Kanda."

"Kanda? Kanda what?" I asked automatically.

"Yuu Kanda." He replied shortly.

"Oh!" I hooted. "Yuu-chan! What a nice name."

"Don't call me by my given name, you idiot." He glared at me angrily.

"But Yuu-chan sounds so nice." I wailed dramatically.

The train slowed down to a crawl. We had arrived at our destination, the Black Order.

Suddenly, he shouted really loud in frustration making me jump. He stood up abruptly and got off the train.

"Yuu-chan! Wait!" I called after him but he stalked off angrily leaving me behind. Even his back looked angry. I chuckled to myself, what an interesting guy.

His name is Yuu Kanda. We were thirteen and he is my best friend.

_**I'm just like a clown who hides his feelings but eyes betray.**_

I can't remember when it started. I began to eat lunch with this cold-hearted creature.

He always asks me to go away yet again and again I return. Just like a faithful dog.

"Man, you're so stubborn." I told him one day while eyeing him eating his soba slowly.

"Look who's talking." He replied coldly. His hair always looked tidy in the high pony tail of his. Sometimes, my hands itch to touch those long dark silk but I don't want to risk my life, at least, not yet.

I stared at him, my chin propped up in my hand.

How can someone so cold look so beautiful?

"You're starring holes through me." he grumbled without looking up from his food.

I laughed.

"Yuu-chan actually notices me." I sang happily.

He looked up at me, a dangerous glint in his eyes but did not say anything. On days like that, Yuu actually let me to be close to him, even if it's just for a tiny bit.

_**Everything is nothing when nothing is everything.**_

I saw myself. I was twelve. I was running, as hard as I can. As a bookman, I was paying my price.

Souls of the dead were right behind me, chasing me. I run and run and run 'till me legs gave off beneath me and I fell into a deep pool of mud and blood.

I was scared; I tried to blink away the tears that were blurring my vision. I turned around, the souls were getting close. I have to get away fast.

With all my strength, I tried to pull myself up but fail. Again and again I try but my legs felt like it doesn't belong to me anymore. Soon all the souls were close. I saw their bodies were all twisted in weird angles that no human being is capable of doing.

They grabbed my legs and started pulling. Panic rise and fear ripped my soul open. I opened my mouth to scream but there was no sound. It's only me against the world.

Breathe caught my throat, my eyes fluttered open to see pitch black all around me. I was breathing hard like I had just finished running five laps in the field. I looked down and my hands, all the mud and blood gone.

The souls were no longer tugging my feet. I looked around at the black space and saw grey shapes that looked like my desk, then my closet.

I let out a breathe. It was only a dream.

My forehead was covered with cold sweat and my hands were cold and wouldn't stop shivering.

I lay there for a long time, afraid to close my eyes again. Slowly, I got off my bed. In the darkness, I walked towards the door and let myself out to the cold and silent corridor.

My feet made no sound against the stone floor as I made my way towards the last door at the end of the corridor.

_**You lift my mask to take a look at the real me and ask me to stop hiding.**_

I knocked softly on the thick wooden door. My hands were still shaking and it wouldn't stop. I wonder if he heard me.

After a few minutes of waiting, I knocked again. Louder this time and the sound echoed through the empty corridors reminding me the hollow cried of the souls.

Please open the door.

I heard light footsteps slowly made its way to the door then paused.

I waited.

The door creaked open. An angel with long black hair that fall loosely around him looked at me with his cold deep sapphire blue eyes.

His perfect features gazed at me for awhile then he frowned.

"Its 2 am in the morning, Lavi." He stated quietly.

I smiled, more like tried to. I can't go back to my room; the dreams would hunt me again.

"I know it's late but can I come in for just awhile?"

"No," he said without even considering.

"Aww, Yuu-chan. Don't be mean now." I pouted at him.

"Che, go back to your room Lavi, it's late." He said and started to close the door.

Desperate, I held the door.

"Come on Yuu-chan, I mean no harm." I said, more like pleading. He looked at me with no emotion on his face.

"What is wrong with you?" he asked looking annoyed.

"I don't know." I answered truthfully.

He sighed then looked at me.

"Go find Allen or somebody else, they would be happy to have you."

Have you ever thought that I don't want to with them but you?

He narrowed his eyes and caught my hands shaking then growled and shut the door.

I stared at the wooden door for a long time.

"I came here because I want to find you, not them." I said softly without thinking.

After a long minute, I turned away feeling totally devastated. Slowly, I made my way back to my room. Then suddenly I heard a door slam open. I turned around surprised to see him standing outside his room in his blue and white stripped pajamas and white slippers.

I frowned.

He growled.

"You can come in if you want to." He finally said grudgingly.

Really?

I turned and smiled then ran up to him and gave him a hug.

"AHH! Baka Usagi!" he yelled trying to shake me off.

"Shh" I put my finger on my lips.

"Don't wake the neighbors up." I smiled at him.

He looked at me, catching my eyes. Sapphire blue eyes saw right through me.

"Don't act happy around me." he said coldly.

He can see.

My smile fell as he continued to watch me coldly. Abruptly, he turned around and walked right back into his room. He held the door waiting for me. I followed after a few moments.

Yuu-chan's room contains nothing that reflexes his personality. There was only a closet, a dresser, a head to toe mirror, a study desk and his bed.

And oh, I almost forgot. His precious hour glass that contains lovely pink lotus petals was set on his empty desk.

After I closed the door behind me, I found myself being pressed against the cold hard wall by him.

His eyes once again glint dangerously in the darkness.

"You better have a good explanation for making me awake in the middle of the night and it's all your fault that I'm so stupid right now for letting a stupid rabbit into my room." He said coldly, his voice low.

I looked back at him in the eye. I was tired of acting too, so I did not smile.

After a long time of starring, he finally looked away and took a step back and sighed. He covered his face with his hand as though he was tired.

My lips tugged into a sad smile.

His beautiful long hair cascade around him prettily and shone softly under the pale moonlight from the window. His pale milky skin framed by straight nose, rosy lips and eyes the shade of the dark evening sky.

Somewhere along the way, my heart came back to me.

We stood there awkwardly 'till he finally went over to his bed and pulled his sheets over his head, acting as though I didn't exist anymore.

Typical Yuu-chan.

I saw his hair spread messily on his pillow, like someone had just accidentally spilled ink there. I smiled.

After a few minutes, he suddenly jumped out of his bed and saw me hadn't move and inch from the spot where he left me.

"You can take the bed." He said shortly and grabbed a pillow then set it down on the floor.

"Yuu-chan actually cares for me." I said happily but sincerely.

"But its okay, I can take the floor, no problem at all."

"No." he snapped and lay down, part of his hair fell off the pillow to the floor.

I sighed and walked to the bed and lay down. Everything smelled like Yuu, even the thick blanket.

I watched him there on the floor, the pale moonlight shining on him from the window.

It's really rare that he would be so nice to me. He would usually kick me out without a second thought. Well, he did actually but he pulled me back. Yuu never fails to amaze me.

I feel cold even under this thick blanket. I bet he's cold too.

"Yuu-chan." I called softly.

No reply.

"Yuu-chan."

No reply.

"Yuu-chan." I called again.

He groaned under his breathe.

"What?" his voice sounded muffled in the pillow.

"It's cold down there."

"Leave me alone." He said, his back still facing me.

From the bed, I saw him shivered. Only slightly though. I sighed.

"Why are you so stubborn all the time?" I asked getting off the bed quietly and walked towards him.

"Che, look who's talk- ah!" I held his arm then hoist him up. He was lighter then I expected.

"What are you doing? You lousy rabbit." He grumbled, surprised by my action. We stood there and starred at each other, my hand still on his arm.

My heart missed a beat.

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**I hope you guys enjoyed it so far, I think it's a little boring at first but keep reading!! Next chapter coming right up..**


	2. Chapter 2

**I wish I own this anime...But no such luck...Hope you enjoyed the first one and sorry if I made the characters a little outta character..I guess I got carried away with ideas....Once again, excuse me for my lousy grammar and enjoy...**

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**_I put my mask down, so did you with your pride._**

I was mesmerized by the depth of his eyes; blue so deep, almost black.

I smiled. A sad one.

"Come on, don't be stubborn. It's almost winter; you can't sleep on the floor. Your hands are shaking." I whispered.

"Your hands were shaking too just now in the corridor." He said coldly.

I pulled him towards the bed with me. He did not resist like I expected him to. He usually would but perhaps his too tired or it's really cold or maybe, just maybe…

Once under the thick and big blanket, I reached out my hand to hold his. His fingers felt really cold.

"Don't touch me." he tried to yank his hand away from me. He was lying so close; I could smell the soft sweet smell of his hair combining with the mixture of faint blood and soup.

That's the smell of Yuu-chan.

I gripped harder.

"I'll keep you warm."

"I don't need you to keep me warm, God damn it." He cursed, still pulling his hand away.

I rolled sideways to see if he mean it but something else caught my eyes. I realized he look really beautiful from the sideways. His nose looked so straight and perfect, so was his lips and for the first time, I noticed he has dark long lashes.

"You looked so pretty." His face flushed.

"Don't say stupid things or you're getting outta here." He grumbled looking straight up at the ceiling but he stopped yanking his hand away.

He closed his eyes after a few minutes.

"Go to sleep stupid rabbit." He said and I watched his perfect feature relaxes and for once, his face was not covered with unpleasant expressions.

How can anyone look so angelic, especially under the soft moon light? I gazed at his long hair which spread loosely around us.

Finally, he turned sideways to me and I found myself looking into a pair of blue, blue eyes. He looked even prettier from close up.

"I can't sleep with you starring at me the whole freaking time."

"Don't curse Yuu-chan."

"Don't call me that and go to hell."

"Oh, I've been there." I answered lightly looking at him straight in the eye.

He paused, he certainly wasn't expecting that. We stared at each other.

"So have you." I finished my sentence.

We stayed that way for a long time. The wind blew from the window, my mess of red swayed along with his long mess of black.

A lump formed in my throat.

Slowly, I circled my arm around him and pulled him close, hiding my face at the curve of his long neck. He smelled so comfortable and I could feel the warmth of his body against mine.

"Arghh! Stupid La-"he stopped cursing and pushing suddenly when he felt water rolling down his neck.

He froze in my embrace.

You reach out your hand to stop the bleeding of my heart.

"Man don't usually cry." He said in a low voice.

I shook my head softly. I was surprised too with myself. I'd not cried for a long, long time now. I guess it's only natural for I can't show my feelings.

"I'm human, but can't have a heart." I whispered so soft, I wondered if he heard me.

"If you don't have a heart, why are you crying?"

I shook my head.

I don't know.

Softly, two arms embraced me back. I felt his body heat against me, closer then before.

"Don't be a wimp, stop crying." He said coldly, I felt his breath in my hair.

I looked up into his eyes, it was filled with understanding. Not sympathy or anything else. Only understanding. He understood how I felt, because maybe he's just like me.

"Stupid rabbit." He said reaching out a hand to wipe my tears away. His fingers felt so soft and cold on my skin. For once, I felt safe.

I chuckled through my tears.

"Thank you Yuu-chan."

"Hmn."

My heart once again missed a beat under his gaze, I wonder if he felt the same too.

"You're too close stupid rabbit, if you're not already broken, I would really break your bones." He grumbled into my ear but wrapped his arm tighter around me. I could only smile softly. We stayed that way 'till we fell asleep.

I felt so warm, I slept well the whole night and so did Yuu-chan.

We were fifteen. We were young. And we were foolish. Somewhere along the way, we managed to melt each others' heart.

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**This chapter is kinda short..Next will be right up...**


	3. Chapter 3

**I wish I own this anime..But no such luck...Excuse my lousy grammar as always and this is the next chapter...Enjoy...**

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_**I'm like a wingless bird in an open cage.**_

For as long as I know, I've been in training to be a bookman. If I've not mistaken, it was since I was seven. I don't remember my real name 'cause I played so many kinds of people at so many different places, I just loose track.

I'm very happy to be in this place called Black Order. Even though its war all the time, people here still smile and live like a family. Something I never have and never will.

I had never expected that my heart would come back to me right here. Or maybe it's because I asked it to come back because I need it? I don't know. I certainly didn't expect to know Yuu. Never thought I would have a great friend who really understands. Though he doesn't treat me kind all the time but I could feel it that he really cares for me. My heart missed a beat almost every time I look into his eyes or talk. This is a feeling, I'm sure; a junior bookman was not allowed to have.

Old panda was always reminding me, what our job was and I should never get too attached to anyone. But tell me, is it possible to do that especially when fate came knocking on my door and gave me something so precious I've never had?

I'm not sure what friendships, relationships or family means. Not to mention love. From all sorts of dictionaries I've read, it always says it was something like an emotion, a strong attraction to something or somebody. I would always laugh at that explanation but now, I slowly understand, even though it's just for a little, its better then nothing at all.

I'm not very sure why my stomach tight itself into knots when I see Yuu-chan recently. I can't concentrate when he's around. I would want to have all his attention to myself and my heart simply skip a beat and speed up when he looks at me. I was really confused so I asked old panda about these funny feelings but all I got was a serious punch on my head and a lecture to not to get too attached to a person.

Seriously, why can't anyone tell me seriously what's going on.

_**If I risk everything I have for you, would you do the same for me?**_

"Yuu-chan! Run." I remembered I shouted with all my might. We were on a mission with old panda when suddenly an Akuma appeared right behind him and he didn't noticed.

I felt a sudden rush as I activated my Innocence and ran towards him. I remembered old panda tried to pull me back but I pushed him away. He was not important for the moment. All I could see was Yuu right in front of me, about to be hit by the Akuma.

He turned around; deep blue eyes frowned confusingly at me, telling me to shut up. He still hadn't noticed.

I got there right when that thing strikes. I tried to wave my hammer at it but too late. I felt pain in my chest and my legs gave off beneath me. I fell to the ground and I saw the surprised look on Yuu's face.

"Wha-"words caught in his throat. Without wasting a second more, he turned around and sliced that Akuma into two with ease then turned back to me.

In a minute, panda was right beside him talking to me. I can't remember what it was but it doesn't matter, all I know was I'm lying in Yuu's arms looking up at his face. You should have seen the expression on his face. Priceless.

I felt my pulse slowing down, pain throb in my wound. My eye can't see clearly, I faded into darkness and suddenly I felt no pain anymore.

Does this mean I'm dead?

The next thing I knew when I woke up was the pain in my whole body. I thought I was dead? No such luck huh. My eyes blink once then twice to adjust to the brightness in the room. The sun was shinning brightly from the window. I looked around; I was in the familiar infirmary.

I turned my head to the side and saw a beautiful angel with long black hair tied up in a pony tail. He was leaning against my bed sleeping. His arms as his pillow.

Surprised, I felt my lips tugged into a sad smile.

Yuu-chan.

I reached out my hand to touch his hair. It felt just like the way it looked, soft and silky against my fingers. My hand then travel to touch his cheeks. I don't know why I did that, perhaps because of all the drugs in my body made me do stupid stuff. But right then, Yuu leaned to my touch. His cheeks felt cold and smooth.

Suddenly, his eye lids flutters open revealing two deep cold sapphire blue eyes. He looked up at me, still groggy from sleep. He reached out his hand over mine on his cheeks. His fingers, yeah, as expected, cold, wrapped around mine.

He frowned.

Uh-oh.

He gripped my hand hard 'till my fingers nearly crushed under his hand.

"Oww!" I tried to pull away.

"Che" he spat at me.

"That's what you get for touching me." he said quietly but let go of my hand.

I chuckled. He smirked. Somehow our bond now seemed stronger and I hope it will last forever. As naïve as that sounds, that was what I really wished that time.

"Don't do what you did for me again." He whispered to me as the nurse came in and gave me another shot that was supposed to ease my pain but put me to long sleep instead.

I grinned.

I can't promise you that.

**_Gotta be drunk to be sober.  
_**

"Give me one more Jerry." I said leaning against the counter.

"Are you sure?" he asked concerned.

I laughed.

"Of course, it's no big deal."

He 'hmn'-ed at me then turn to the fridge, producing another can of beer for me.

"Thanks man, you're the best." I thanked him then walked back to my seat at the back of the large, dark empty cafeteria.

I sat down on the wooden bench then propped my legs up on the table. I just had a bad day, doing some stupid endless research with old panda breathing down my neck every freaking minute.

I sighed and crack open the can then put it to my lips. I took my big gulp and swallow instantly. I felt alcohol slowly spread through my body as I eyed the half dozen of empty cans beside my feet.

I was very tired that night. Sometimes I just got so tired of living a life like this. I can't do what I want. Can't go where I want. Can't say what I want. Can't be who I am. What kind of life is this?

I chuckled to myself.

This is your destiny. This is the path you chose. A voice in my head reminded me.

This time I laughed. What a true yet stupid statement. Oh yes, that's correct.

"You know, laughing to yourself is the first sign of losing it." Allen stated as he walked by holding a try in his hands.

"Hey Moyashi, having a little midnight snack? How come you're not eating here?" I asked airily.

He blushed deeply.

"This is actually for Leenale." He mumbled.

I smiled then wave him away.

"Go ahead young one. Don't let your lover wait too long."

He stared at me, I smiled at him.

"Isn't it nice to be young?" I asked.

"You sound like you an eighty year old."

"Oh, I sure feel like one." I laughed.

"Run along now lad." I shooed him away and he giggled at my funny behavior.

When he was out of sight, my smile dropped. I wish I could love someone like that too. Well, I guess my bookman thingy is just too big, can't afford to have any feelings let alone love.

What a drag.

I hummed a little tune to myself, sipping my beer occasionally, thinking about life, wondering why.

"Why are you here in the middle of the night?" A voice interrupted my thoughts.

I looked up to see Yuu looking down at me, frowning.

"Hi Yuu-chan. How nice of you to notice me here." I greeted him.

"You look awful." He commented flatly at my messy hair and pale face. I was still healing from my last injury.

"Gee, thanks Yuu." I smiled. "Oh, I'm sorry, I must have forgotten my manners, would you like to sit down and have a drink with me?" I asked acting embarrassed.

"You're under age." He stated flatly.

I sighed.

"For once, why can't anyone ever let me do what I want? So what I'm sixteen? Eighteen is only twenty four months away. It doesn't make much difference to drink now then later." I raised my hands in annoyance.

"You're wearing your pajamas." He said coldly.

I snorted.

"I know it's kinda_ un_-cool to drink wearing this stuff but hey, I AM a teenager." I said raising my hands.

"A foolish one too." He added.

"Welcome to the club Yuu-chan."

"Don't call me that." he smirked and his hair, I noticed for the first time was untied, hanging like pretty black blanket around his back.

He walked away to the counter, his long black hair waving around in the rhythm of his footsteps. Then I noticed he was wearing his pajamas too. I laughed to myself.

"Great," I heard a voice exclaimed. I looked up to see Yuu talking to Jerry at the counter. "Just what I need, two underage teenagers drinking alcohol from my kitchen."

Yuu stood there unmoving. They stared at each other until Jerry sighed.

"Okay, okay. Just this once but don't blame me if Tiedoll and Bookman come looking for you two only to find you kids drunk" he said as he turned around to the kitchen. In a few seconds, he turned back producing a bottle of warm sake (some sort Japanese liquor that is served warm).

Yuu thanked him then took the bottle walking back to me.

"You look nice with your hair down Kanda, you should do it more often," he commented smiling.

Yuu blushed then frowned at him making the other man laugh."Hah" he sighed leaning on the counter. "Isn't it good to be young?" he nodded to me.

"Yeah," I raised my can at him. "It sure feels great." Exactly like hell, yeah, it feels fantastic.

**_In silence, I could feel your pain._**

Yuu sat down opposite me and took a sip of his warm sake from his bottle.

"Do you mind?" he asked eyeing my feet.

"Oh, sorry." I quickly dropped it to the ground then rest my hands on the table.

We sat in peaceful silence for along time. It felt great to just sit with him.

"So," I said starting a light conversation. "What brings you here tonight?"

He looked up from his bottle at me.

"Hmn, look who's talking." He said.

"You're wearing your pajamas too." I stated coldly at him.

"This is what people usually wear at night Lavi." He said ignoring what I really meant.

I made a face.

"Sorry, my fault." I said without meaning it.

Once again, we fell into silence. Only the sound of silence around us, in the distance, I could hear faint birds' wings flapping in the sky. Crickets' cry was too far below the Black Order to be heard. Sad wind blew from the big cafeteria window bringing along coldness and the smell of sad lonely night.

I watched as Yuu's hair swayed with the wind and I felt my own hair waved too.

"That's the smell of dead leaves." He suddenly said softly.

I remained silence for awhile.

"It sure smells sad." I told him. His left side of lips lifted a little.

"How's your wound?" he asked after a long time. I looked up from the table to a pair of deep sapphire cold blue eyes.

"Why?" a smile started to spread on my face.

"Che" he immediately looked annoyed.

Maybe that's the way Yuu shows concern. We sat there for a long, long time.

"Next time, don't take risk like that for me ever again." His voice was small and low referring to what happened a week ago.

I took a gulp of my beer. We both avoided eye contact.

"I didn't save you because I wanted to." I finally said.

He frowned, confused.

"I did it because I have to." I said tiredly.

"What do you mean?" he demanded.

"Sometimes there are things that just cannot be explained Yuu." I said feeling faraway.

"Che, don't go all enigmatic on me."

I laughed sadly then looked up into his eyes.

"I'm a bookman. I'm not supposed to have feelings. When I dive out to take that shoot that day, you don't know how much I've risked. But I didn't did it because I want to Yuu, I really didn't. But here," I touched the left side of my chest. "Here wants me to, I have no choice."

His eyes wide with surprise for a brief second, so fast I almost didn't catch it.

"I wish you didn't save me." he said gulping down his fifth bottle of sake.

"Like I said, I can't leave you to die."

"Don't be stupid Lavi; think about your commitment, your job as a bookman. Don't throw it all away for me. It's not worth it and you know I won't die over a shot like that," he pointed at me. "You could."

"I put my life on the line because I think it's worth it." I stated eyeing him.

"Why do you always have to be so stubborn? My words are simple but you never listen."

"If I hadn't save you that day, your life span will be shorten. All those precious beautiful petals of your life would reduce. I don't want that."

"You can't fight with facts and destiny Lavi. If I have to die, I still have to die. No matter what anyone does, you can't change it." He said matter-in-factly.

"If I have a chance to change it, why wouldn't I?" I said bitterly.

He was speechless for a moment.

"You are stupid Lavi." He spat looking away from my eyes.

"Oh, thanks." I said sarcastically. "So you're saying your life worth nothing? Is that it? After all I did for you, after all the rules I broke for you, this is how you're treating me?" I asked scowling at him getting a little angry.

"I never asked you to do anything for me Lavi. Don't say it like it's my fault." He frowned at me.

I put my can down on the table to join his twelve other empty friends.

"Why can't you understand?" I asked softly.

"Understand WHAT?" he raised his voice a little.

"Why can't you understand just how much I CARE for you?" I finally yelled, half standing and slammed my hands on the table, towering over Yuu.

His eyes show nothing but emptiness and coldness when he looked at me. He shook his head.

"No, don't lie to me Lavi. Every day, you and your lies, I can't keep track of who you are anymore. A bookman aren't suppose to care for anyone but history and themselves." His eyes were on fire and he too stood up starring at me square in the eye.

"Are you even listening to me? I told you when I took that shoot; I risked everything, not only my life, but my every thing as a bookman. I wasn't allowed to have a close friend, don't even think about lunging out for anyone. But I did it! And I did it for you! Only you!" I yelled, anger burned in me.

For a moment, we stared at each other. A little emotion flicker on his eyes that show surprise and sadness. I stepped back a little then covered my face with my left hand. I've never lost control like this before. Maybe I can blame it on alcohol but never in my so many years of training, have I ever let so much of my feelings out in just one sentence. Never.

I sighed then sank back down on the bench. He did the same.

"I don't want to fight with you Yuu. I'm sorry." I whispered emotions still swirl and twirl around me.

"Me too." He mumbled. I bet that was the first time he had ever apologized to anyone. I nodded.

Then I stood up and walked over to him. I reached out my hand to hold his arm.

"Let's go Yuu, it's getting late." I whispered pulling him up. He didn't argue. Perhaps we were both a little drunk and tired, I'm not sure.

I held his hand as we walk all the way back to our corridor on the 27th floor. He didn't pull away like he usually does and his hand felt icy cold, despite the amount of alcohol he'd just drank and the fact that his cheeks were warm and red from the sake.

"Let's sleep at my room." I told him when we got to our floor.

"And why would I want to do that?" he asked starting to get a little dizzy from the alcohol.

"Your room is at the end of the long corridor, it's too far away." I tried to argue.

"It's only thirty feet away."

"Come on."

"No." he refused flatly and started walking away from me.

"Don't be mean now, if I have nightmares again tonight, I'll still have to go for you, and so you might as well stay here for just one night."

He stopped, considering what I said then turned back frowning grudgingly.

"Fine." He finally spat.

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**Hope you guys enjoy this one...A little fight and cursing there but no harm done...Next chapter right up...**


	4. Chapter 4

**I wish I own this anime...But no such luck...This is the next chapter...A little something that might make you guys feel warm...Hope you enjoy the story...**

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**_The forbidden feeling formed in my chest that should not be here._**

"Thanks Yuu." I said looking at him not wearing any mask anymore.

When we got to my door, we both paused for a few seconds. I looked sideways and our eyes caught.

My heart missed a beat under his soft gaze. I stepped closer to him not looking away.

"Let's not fight again okay?" I asked softly.

He stared at me for a long time, his eyes searching mine looking for sincerity, honesty and truth. All my emotions were bare for him to see, for once, I reveal everything.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breathe. When he opens them again, I saw sadness.

"Okay." He agreed.

I stepped closer to him until his back were on the wall. He looked at me with unreadable expression.

"You're invading my personal space stupid rabbit." He finally frowned.

I smiled then reached out to wrap my arms around his slender waist, hiding my face at the curve of his neck.

I usually only hug him when I got really shaky and scared over the nightmares I always get but this time, I hugged him because I have a sudden need of warmth. Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe its teenage hormone. I was not sure.

"What are you doing?" he grumbled.

"Yuu" his name escaped from my lips and I swore I felt his heart missed a beat against my chest.

Slowly, I felt two arms hug me back and I felt his breathe in my hair.

"You are such a wimp."

I only leaned closer.

After a few minutes, I pulled a little away just enough to look into his eyes.

"Feeling better now?" he asked softly in a tune he would never use on anyone else.

Emotions filled my eye. In the darkness I leaned closer to him until our lips touched and I kissed him. Everything about him felt cold but that day, I found out his lips were warm. My heart had never beaten like that before; it felt like its almost bursting with emotions.

His eyes widen with surprise.

"Mmphf!" He tried to push me away.

Shit.

I suddenly realized what I was doing and quickly pull away. He panted trying to catch his breathe.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to do it. It's just, I don't know, I wasn't thinking straight." I tried to explain but didn't know how but when I looked into his eyes, I saw softness, instead of anger or fury or annoyance like I expected. Only a softness that I want to keep forever.

He nodded accepting my apology.

"Come on," I said after a while then pulled him into my room, removing my eye patch at the same time then settled us both down on my bed.

I turned sideways to him and watched carefully with my now two green eyes wondering why he wasn't angry. He should be, I mean, this is Yuu we're talking about.

His eyes narrowed and rolled sideways to look at me.

"I'm really sorry for what happened Yuu." I whispered.

He gazed at me for a long time, like considering what to say to me.

"Do you want to take back what you did?" he asked finally.

In that dark cold night, the ice in my heart melted when I saw his eyes, reflecting fear and sadness.

"No," I whispered. "I want to remember it forever." I answered truthfully and I knew he could see it in my eyes.

Then Yuu did something so unexpected, I nearly fainted. Under the blanket he reached out a hand to touch my cheek.

I froze in surprise.

His long slender fingers felt so smooth and cold against my cheek. My heart raced so fast, I was surprised he couldn't hear it.

He then leaned forward to me 'till out lips met and kissed me. My heart stopped but my body responded to the warmth he gave me. Unconsciously, I put my arms around his waist to pull him closer and then deepen our kiss.

"What are you doing Yuu?" I asked between kisses.

"I don't know." He answered.

I smiled. The smell of him so close to me, I've never felt happier. His kisses were soft yet firm; I look deep in his eyes and taught him to kiss with a little tongue.

Just like I expected, he didn't know how. I bit the bottom of his lips, waiting for him to open up but his teeth stubbornly get in the way.

"Yuu," I whispered.

"Wha-"I took the chance and slipped my tongue in. He looked at me surprised. I smiled then slowly he responded and our tongues danced in perfect rhythm.

Never in my life have my heart beaten so fast. I'm sure no one else could make me feel the way Yuu made me feel. The funny feeling formed in me again when we got tired and lay there gazing at each other. I hugged him close to me, the taste of him still linger in my mouth. I hid my face at the curve of his neck like always; I want us to stay that way forever.

"Yuu," I whispered into his hair.

"Hmn." He answered and his arms tighten around me 'till there was no space left between us. The warmth I felt that night in his arms was greater then the warmth of summer and fire.

We were sixteen. We were young and we were foolish. The funny feeling grew so strong in me; I don't understand. What the hell is going on?

**_Angels don't only bring happiness, they take them away too._**

The smell of old books and papers were thick in the air of the library. My arms were full with books. Old panda was sitting there on the table writing furiously and shouting me to bring books for him.

"Do you have to be so harsh all the time?" I asked putting the books down in front of him.

"Shut up you lousy apprentice." He said without looking up.

Ouch.

"Thanks." I said walking away.

"Lavi," he called. I sighed and turned around.

He looked at me with such intense eyes, I knew he was about to say something I don't like.

"What?"

"You're not concentrating recently. Remember what I told you." He said referring to all the no feelings and no emotion stuff.

"Yeah, I know." I gritted my teeth.

"Don't get too close to Kanda. Don't forget that you're a bookman. There's no need for your heart."

He knew. I looked away, my hair covering my eye so he wouldn't see my face.

"Yes, I understand." I said then walked out of the library.

Yuu.

Is it wrong to have feelings for you? Why does God have to give me happiness then take away again? I walked towards my room and slammed my door closed. Inside, there was nothing but books and paper all around.

Yuu always complain about the mess. I went over to the bed and lay down. Yuu always ask me to wash the sheets because they always smell like me.

I stared at the ceiling. Life is so unfair.

I thought before falling asleep.

**_Take my hand; I can't win this battle without you._**

"Be careful Yuu, there are more then we expected." I said holding my hammer firmly in my hands.

"Tell that to yourself." He said while slicing an Akuma.

We were somewhere in the centre of Europe. The mission was supposed to be simple but suddenly the Akumas doubled up. The village was all wrecked. Many died.

An Akuma hit me with its weapon. Luckily it doesn't contain its deadly poison. Blood ooze out slowly from my stomach.

That hurt.

"Grr," I growled. "You stupid thing, that hurts." I yelled at the Akuma before hitting him with my hammer shredding it to pieces.

"Ouch," I moaned. "Pain." I held my stomach.

"Stop whining baka usagi, now is not the time." Yuu yelled from a far.

I looked up to see his long hair flying furiously in the wind as he fought one Akuma after another.

Suddenly, he was right in front of me. A force hit him and his body fell forward. I reacted fast and caught him by the waist.

"What's wrong Yuu?" I asked frowning. Then I felt something warm seep through my fingers from where I was holding him. I looked down to see blood.

I turned back to Yuu, my eyes wide with surprise.

His eyes were closed and I tried to shake him awake.

"Yuu?!" I cried shaking his shoulders as I waved my hammer at those annonying Akumas who got too close.

"This is not cool, come on Yuu. Wake up, open your eyes." I said panicking.

His face twitched a little.

"Shut up you stupid rabbit." He groaned opening his eyes a little.

"Let's get outta here. Are you okay? Does it hurt a lot? What happened? How big is your wound?" I flung my questions on him as I killed a Akuma that got too close.

"Don't shout at my ear you moron." He said pushing me away and stood up weakly.

"Yuu, wa-"I didn't get to finish my sentence; the Akumas started to attack again.

He started to walk, a hand on his wound at his stomach while the other slice the Akumas with Mugen as he go. I watched blood stained his black and white coat then start dripping slowly, staining the ground.

Why do you always have to be so strong?

One by one, drops of blood fall.

After like half an hour or so, we finally finished all the Akumas left. I quickly ran to find him. I found him on the road back to our inn.

The sun had set long time ago. They were no stars or moon in the sky. The smell of war and blood was heavy in the air. I hate those smells.

"Yuu-chan, are you alright? I don't think you should walk." I said falling into steps beside him.

He waved my concern away and kept walking. I watched him carefully for awhile, noticing that he was still bleeding.

"Yuu-chan, you're bleeding." I stated quietly.

He turned around, a strand of hair caught between his lips and his face looked as pale as sheet.

"I can," he pointed to himself then shifted his finger to me. "You can't." I never knew a simple finger gesture could look so sarcastic.

"What? Don't bullshit with me. You feel pain too idiot." I argued.

"An Idiot calling another idiot." He mumbled.

I frowned at him.

"Che, you take a longer time to heal then me. I'll be fine in two days." He said coldly and continued to walk leaving me to stand there.

There and then, a funny feeling tugged my heart. I tried to remember what happened and truth hit me like truck.

He ran in front of me was actually to take that shoot when I was hurt. He didn't want my wounds to worsen. An emotion washed through me making my emotions sway.

Yuu's hair band suddenly snapped and his hair fell like curtain down his back. He stopped in his tracks and reached out unconsciously to touch the back of his head only to find loose strands. I heard him groan.

I walked up to him and touched his shoulder. He looked up at me and the time seemed to stop. His sapphire blue eyes were so deep and filled with pain, it actually made my chest hurt. A gust of wind blew harshly suddenly. His long black hair swayed and my own red hair waved.

That night, Yuu could never look prettier.

"Come on Yuu-chan. I'll take you back to the inn." I said softly.

"No need, I can return by myself." He looked away from my eye.

"Don't be stubborn now." I plead.

"No, just leave me to die." he refused flatly. I bit my lip and gripped harder on his shoulder to get his attention.

"I thought we promised not to fight anymore?" I asked softly.

He was silent for a few moments.

"Che," he spat.

"Yes, 'che'," I mimicked him. "'che' all you want." I said then gave him a piggyback ride on my back. He stopped arguing and let me carry him.

"Stupid rabbit." He mumbled at my ear.

I chuckled.

"After what you did for me, I won't let you go now." I said referring to what he did.

"Che, you're kinda smart for an idiot to figure that out."

"I am a bookman after all Yuu."

I felt him nod.

I continued to walk in silence. Yuu's long silky black hair hung around us and wave occasionally with the cold night wind.

I turned sideways to see his eyes were closed as though sleeping. He truly looked like a fallen angel.

Deep inside my heart I felt bittersweet. In that cold mid-November night, I've never felt warmer. I could smell the faint smell of his hair and trust me, I'm not exaggerating, I've never felt calmer.

"Thanks Yuu." I whispered.

"But don't ever do that again for I care for you more then anything in the world." I wondered if he heard me.

He shifted a little and leaned closer to me, resting his head against my cheek and neck.

I knew he heard me.

A hand reached out and tugged at my eye patch

"I hate this thing, I can't see your eye." He mumbled and I chuckled wondering if he knew what he was doing.

The warmth of his body against mine, the scent of his hair around me, the night felt so cold yet I felt so warm. The funny feeling start to flutter inside me again and I want the night to last forever when he circled his arms around my neck. When he mumbled my name, my heart nearly stopped. That is how Yuu makes me feel.

We were seventeen. We were young and we were foolish. Somehow, somewhere along the way I fell in love with him and our lives start to involve each other forming a bond that I'm sure a bookman should never have.

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**A little out of character there...I guess it's fine? Tell me if you guys like it or not...Hope you enjoyed this one..My favourite chapter so far...Next will be right up...**


	5. Chapter 5

**I wish I own this anime...But no such luck...This is kinda a sad and sweet chapter..Hope you guys enjoy it...Excuse me for my lousy grammar...**

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**_A kiss as soft as wind, along with you my pain was taken away._**

I walked into the infirmary. It was in the middle of the night. I had nightmares again.

It was dark but I can see a familiar angel lying on the bed in the room. Under the dim moonlight, his long hair glowed. I sat down on the chair beside him trying not to make a sound in case he wakes up.

The nightmares were making me running to him almost every night. Ever since the accident at the mission, he stopped throwing me out, though he gave me a lot of angry glares.

My hair was messy from sleep and I wasn't wearing my head band. I didn't wear my eye patch too because Yuu hates it.

From my seat, I watched him for a long, long time, at his chest that rise and fall slowly but surely, his pretty full lips that were set in a straight line, long black hair that rest messily on his pillow like spilled ink and his skin that looked and felt as smooth as milk.

Emotions swelled in me, I could almost burst with the love I felt for him. But I couldn't love him. I am a bookman after all. I have no need for heart.

How can I live without him?

I can't.

Yes, that's harsh and that's the truth.

I leaned forward and hid my face behind my hands that were propped up on my knees. The smell of approaching rain came in through the open window. It felt cold, just like this stupid place called world.

I sighed. My inside was dying slowly. I was dead once and this angel right in front of me brought me back but now, commitments and responsibilities are taking my life away again.

I don't want that.

But I have no choice; I will have to tell him I can't be with him as much as before anymore. I have to build a wall around myself again. Sometimes, truths are better left untold.

I felt a cold hand gripped my wrist suddenly. I jumped and looked up to see Yuu gazing at me with his deep sapphire blue eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a tone that made my heart wavers.

I smiled.

"Ahh, Yuu-chan. Did I wake you? I'm sorry, I was just taking a walk and I thought I should come and visit you." I said cheerfully.

He gripped my hand harder and eyed my smile suspiciously.

"Don't lie to me." he said flatly.

He saw right through me again.

I guess it can't be help huh? We knew each other too much already.

"No, it's nothing." I smiled, -tried to.

"I can see." He whispered and sat up slowly on his bed, trying not wince in pain.

I took his hand in my hands and gripped hard. I'm going to say something that I'm sure I'm going to regret forever.

"Yuu, I've something to tell you, I-," words caught in my throat. "I can't-I mean I-"I don't know how to say it.

A lump started to form in my throat and I looked away, feeling angry with myself.

"Don't be a wimp now." He said coldly.

I turned and look at him with both my eyes.

"Yuu, I can't. But I-," I paused. He waited.

I changed my mind.

"I love you." Those words finally escaped from my lips softly.

His eyes widen with surprise. In the dark cold night, rain started to fall heavily. We sat in silence listening to the sound of heaven's tears fall on earth with his hand still in mine.

This is it, I said it. I guess he would never want to see me again. But if I don't tell him, I'll regret for the rest of my life.

Ughh!!

Why is everything so complicated?

I gazed down at our hands, wondering if this will be the last time I ever touch him. My flaming red hair fell around my eyes hiding the emotions I felt.

A cold hand reached out and touched my hair.

"Lavi," His voice was soft and low. He held my chin between his fingers with his free hand then turned my face to him and gazed at me deeply.

I froze in my position and with every second that passed, my heart beat increased. He leaned down to me slowly until our lips touched, his long pretty hair fall from his shoulder with his every movement and hung around his face. The sudden warmth I felt nearly failed my heart as my mouth open beneath his to accept his kiss.

My eyes turned glassy with tears that never fall.

"I can't love you." I whispered into his cheek when we pulled away a little to catch our breathe.

I felt him nod.

He accepted my answer but his hand, which was still caught in mine, gripped me.

Does this mean he loves me too?

"Do you love me?" I asked feeling like I was in a drama that I always watch with Leenale.

"Why do you think you can be so close now?" he whispered looking at me straight in the eye.

I smiled a sad smile.

We sat close to each other for a long time. I don't want to build a wall around me and close him away, I like him being close because he's the only one that could really understands.

What should I do?

"I'll fight for it." My heart made its decision. He lifted his eyes and caught mine, his expressions were unreadable.

"You don't have to."

"I will fight for it, will you?" my eyes looked into his with full of sincerity and determination.

He paused for a long time then leaned close to put his lips on mine again where it belongs.

He agreed.

We were young and we were foolish. Right there and then, we confirmed our feelings. We decided to fight for it, even though we knew very well, it's not going to be easy.

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**It's kinda short..Hope you guys liked it..Next chapter will be right up... And oh, if you're free, leave a comment to tell me how you feel about this story, or maybe some suggestions too...Thanks...**


	6. Chapter 6

**I wish I own this anime...But no such luck...This is chapter 6...A little weird...(shrugged)...Hope you guys enjoy the story...**

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**_Decisions are in my hands, so is Fate._**

The snow started to fall one night. Drops of frozen tears fall from the sky endlessly and covered everything in sight with its pale shade.

I sat by the window gazing out, I can see my own breathe every time I exhale. I felt cold, yes, just like this harsh world I live in called Earth.

I stood up from my chair and put my long exorcist coat on along with my orange scarf then let myself out from my room. Slowly, I made my way to the roof top of Black Order.

The huge willow tree stood there alone at the top. It looked so sad without its leaves on its branches and trunks. But still it's strong; it will not let anything take it down. It will wait for spring to come again, where birds will come and visit and leaves will once again sprout.

I walked up to it then touched its trunk with my half gloved hand.

"Hey Mr. Will," I greeted. (I called him Mr. Will because his name is willow tree and I think calling him just tree is very rude). A gust of wind blew and the branches bend as though greeting me.

"I've come to accompany you through this dark cold night." I said smiling at my own words.

I sat down, leaning my back against it. One by one, snow fall down, slowly but surely. I took off my glove and held out my hand. Frozen tears landed on it and after a few moments, they melted into pure water in my palm.

Just like my heart.

Another gust of wind blew. Bringing along with it the smell of long lost autumn and grieve. I closed my eyes and felt my flaming red hair waved along with it.

I felt so cold yet so comfortable.

"You know," I nudged Mr. Will with my elbow. "I've done something really wrong recently. Do you wanna know what I did?" I looked up it.

The branches bended in the wind again.

"Okay, I'll tell you then." I sighed. "I broke the most important rule of being a bookman."

I paused.

"I'm going to have a really hard time from the old panda." I said tiredly.

"But I guess you just can't help it when a heart once hard and cold came back to life again huh?"

Only silence answered me.

"I'll tell you this little secret of mine, but you have to keep it to yourself okay." I saw a lost bird flew endlessly in the cold winter sky.

I closed my eye and sighed.

"I fell in love Mr. Will." I finally whispered after a long time gazing up at its branches and twigs and the dark grey sky beyond.

A snow landed on my cheek and melted with my heat. Then it rolled down my face like a tear.

"What?" I asked rising my eyes to heaven. "Even you're crying for me?" a gust of wind blew.

"Isn't wind busy today? Passing silent messages to me." I asked smiling sadly and Mr. Will's branches bended and waved.

"But that's okay guys; don't have to be sad for me." I said as the snow fell harder.

"Although I did something really wrong, although I bended the rules as a bookman, although I can't have a heart and still did." I paused to stand up.

"I will fight for it." I touched Mr. Will's thick trunk.

"Yes," I nodded to myself. "I will fight for my love." I confirmed.

My long scarf flapped with the wind behind me.

"Do you guys think I should?" I asked softly.

This time, I swore I heard the wind whisper and my ear making a whistling sound.

I nodded.

"Thanks for supporting." I patted Mr. Will then walked away, my boots making crisp sound on the snow with every step I take.

Back at my corridor, I saw a familiar tall figure with long black hair tied up in a high pony tail walking fast towards somewhere. His long exorcist coat waved behind him with every step he took.

My heart skipped with joy.

I ran quietly to him then suddenly hugged him around the waist from behind making him jumped.

"Yuu-chan," I sang.

He growled at me.

"Hands off baka usagi." He frowned at me as I rest my cheek on his shoulders.

"What are you doing in the middle of the night still fully dressed?" I asked softly.

He didn't answer me.

I leaned to the side to see him frowning.

A real smile spread on my lips.

"Are you looking for me?" I asked and watched his face flushed.

"Che," he snapped and turned his face to the side so I couldn't see.

"Who would look for you?"

I lean my cheek back to his shoulder and pulled him closer.

"You would." I whispered and he did not argue. We stayed that way for a few minutes then I whispered.

"Yuu,"

"Hmn?"

"I've decided something."

"What is it?"

"I will fight for this love."

He was silent for a long time. Two cold hands then gripped mine which was around his waist.

"Me too." He said softly.

**_Sometimes things just don't go as planned._**

"One chocolate pudding, one slice of pepperoni pizza with extra cheese, mango topped pancakes, raisin toasts with melted butter on top and a bowl of chicken porridge please." I said smiling at Jerry cheerfully.

"Ahh, Lavi, always the weird one." He muttered then turned back to him kitchen and started making my food.

I looked sideways to see Yuu looking at me disgusted.

"What?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"Your choices of food always disgust me."

"Gee, thanks Yuu." I said dryly before turning back to collect my tray.

"Soba again today?" I heard Jerry asked as I made my way to our usual table.

After a few minutes, Yuu came and join me.

"How's soba today?" I asked leaning forward to peek into his bowl.

He frowned.

"Fine." and he continued eating.

I chuckled to myself as I ate my mango topped pancake happily.

"Lavi," Yuu said after we finished our lunch and was making our way to the library.

"Hmn?" I asked too occupied with my extra cup of chocolate pudding.

"I will be going to a mission tomorrow."

"Oh, okay, it's been a long time since we had ever gone to a mission together." I said with my mouth full of chocolate.

"Don't talk when your mouth is full." he lectured.

I pouted at him and we continued to walk in silence.

"Lavi, for this mission, I have to go alone." He finally said.

I slowed to a stop and turned to look at him.

"What's that suppose to mean?" I tilted my head to the side.

"Komui wants me to go alone, it's a solo mission, he said there's something that's needed to be done with only one finder to accompany me." I said looking at me straight in the eye.

Oh.

"It's okay I guess." I said to him and frowned when he looked like he's hiding something.

"Is there anything else you're not telling me?" I asked innocently.

He looked down at his feet,

"No nothing."

He was definitely hiding something. I can read him like a book.

I smiled.

"You'll tell me when you're ready." I said smiling at his surprised face.

He nodded and we continued walking.

"How long is the mission?" I asked casually still eating my pudding.

"One month."

My chocolate pudding suddenly doesn't taste so good anymore.

"That's a very long time." I groaned at him.

"Che," he spat. "Don't be a baby."

I stepped in front of him suddenly and gazed at his perfect features. Sapphire cold blue eyes looked at me steadily.

"Be careful on the mission okay? Don't take any unnecessary unless you have to." I told him seriously.

He rolled his eyes.

"Tell me something I don't know." He muttered.

I grinned at him.

"I'll miss you Yuu." I whispered.

"There's no need for that." he scoffed and he walked away quickly but not before I saw him blush.

**_A promise that sealed my heart._**

The next day, early in the evening, Yuu and I stood at the front of Black Order's gate.

Everything was covered with pure white snow, making our eyes hurt under the sun. He was wearing his long black and white exorcist winter coat and Mugen hung at his slender waist.

"Bye usagi." He said deep blue eyes looked at me deeply. "I will be back."

I put my brave smile on.

"Be careful Yuu." I said softly and gazed at him wishing he didn't have to go.

"Don't look at me with that kind of expression." He scowled.

I laughed and ruffled my hair.

"Come back as soon as possible okay?" I asked.

"I know," he snapped then started walking away.

I gapped at him.

"Yuu!" I yelled.

He jumped then turned around.

"Now what?"

I walked up to him grinning.

"You forgot something," I said then leaned forward to kiss him full on the lips and slipped my arms around his waist. He was a bit surprised by my action but kissed me back softly.

"Don't fell in love with someone else okay?" I warned him.

"That's what I should tell you."

I laughed then he looked at me seriously.

"Don't let your heart waver. No matter what." He said sternly.

Huh?

"My heart is yours, don't worry." I said just as serious even though I don't know what he was talking about.

"Remember," I said gravely. "I always love you." I whispered into his ear and caress his long silky black hair.

He nodded and I knew he love me too when he looked into my eye.

"I'll be right here waiting." I whispered one final time and pulled away from him.

He gazed at me for a few moments more and walked away slowly with the finder.

That day I watched my angel walked away from me. His long black hair swayed behind his back with the rhythm of his foot steps. I will wait for him, one month isn't that long. Right?

I was so wrong.

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**It was kinda messed up huh? Haha...Lavi sounded like he had gone crack at the beginning..Hope you liked it.. Sorry if I had to make Kanda go...Every story gotta have a little drama! If you have any suggestions or comments or critism, please tell me. I would really appreciate it...Thanks for reading and Next chapter right up!**


	7. Chapter 7

**I wish I own this anime...No such luck...This is the next part...I know, I know...You'll think it's _sooo_ predictable after you read this but bear with me okay...Hope you enjoy the story...**

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**_Time tick away fast, but sometimes just not fast enough._**

"Komui!" I sang and walked into the seriously messed up office filled with papers.

The Chinese man with glasses looked from a paper he was reading and smiled at me.

"Lavi." He sang back. "What brings you here today to science department?" he looked at me smiling expectantly.

"When is Yuu coming back?" I pouted at him. His smile fell immediately.

He looked down at the watch around his wrist.

"He's gone for only 8 hours." He stated flatly.

"What? Only 8? It felt like a month already." I whined.

He sighed and rubbed his temple.

"I know, I know. Be patient okay." He smiled tiredly at me.

"This is your test." He whispered so softly to himself, I almost didn't catch it.

"What did you say?"

He looked up smiling, a smile I know too well that hides everything away.

"Nothing, nothing at all." He took a sip of coffee from his pink rabbit mug.

"Now, I've read the newspaper abou…" he changed the subject and started asking about the research me and panda had been doing.

They are hiding something. I thought as I listened to him about the research.

**_Love is a very weak yet strong thing._**

I walked down a corridor a week later heading towards the roof when I caught Allen and Leenale hugging each other in front of his room.

I smiled to myself when I saw the look in their eyes, filled with so much love for each other.

"I'll be back." I heard Allen whispered into her hair.

"You better be." the girl in pigtails answered.

Then I saw the brave smile Allen gave her. The smile that was filled with confidence and promises, it made her smiled too.

I sighed.

"Isn't it nice to be in love?" I asked casually as I walked past them and they quickly pulled away from each other, blushing deeply.

"Hey Lavi," Allen smiled at me. I stopped and smiled too.

"Going to a mission?"

He laughed a little.

"Yeah,"

"Hmn," I said studying Leenale's face.

"Somebody's not very pleased about it." I stately meanly to Allen.

He sighed and looked at me pleadingly when tears started to well behind her lovely eyes.

"Leenale," I called and she looked up trying to blink those tears away.

I putted both my hands on her shoulder and leaned down to peer at her wet eyes.

"Allen will be back, didn't he promised you? Trust him." I said softly. She looked down at her feet then up again with a big smile on this time.

She nodded bravely.

"And you," I said to Allen, removing my hands away from her tiny shoulders. "Don't make our princess wait too long."

He beamed at me.

"Yes sir."

I laughed then walked away leaving them to themselves. At the corner of my eyes, I saw them in each others' arms again.

"That is the power of love." I said to myself and continued walking towards my destination.

**_A promise that I held on to._**

All too soon, the day for Yuu to come back arrived. I woke up early that morning and skipped all the way to Science department to look for Komui.

"Good morning!" I chanted happily as I skipped into his ever so messy office.

"What time is Yuu-chan arriving tod-"my voice trailed off in mid-sentence as soon as I saw the look on Komui's face. His face was hidden behind his propped up hands with a frown on his face. He looked troubled. Yes, very troubled.

"Lavi," his voice was deep and low. "Take a seat." He pointed to the sofa not far from his desk.

I did as I was told.

"There's something you need to know. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you earlier." He started.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Kanda."

Yuu.

"I'll get straight to the point."

I waited.

"The truth is we received no word from him since two weeks ago. Maybe his golem was broken, maybe he lost it, we have no idea. We have sent people out to search for him and the finder but no one found them." He paused.

I frowned at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked knowing too well what it meant.

"I'm afraid his return will be delayed and I'm not sure when or he's even alive." He said softly with a catch in his voice.

"The city where he fought in was all wrecked out and no one was left alive there. We didn't expect there will be so much Akumas. I'm sorry." He continued after a short pause.

I showed no emotion at my face, I was too well-trained for that. I nodded then stood up.

"You're silly Komui." I said tiredly and sighed.

"He told me he will come back and he will." I smiled cheerfully, not believing for a moment when he said Yuu won't come back. Komui looked up from his hands shocked to see me smiling.

He smiled sadly, not catching my eye.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Maybe he'll come back. We won't know." He said looking away and I caught guilt in his eyes behind those glasses.

I laughed.

"Yeah, he will come back." I said surely then walked to the door and stepped out casually.

"Have a nice day Komui." I called over my shoulder smiling and strolled away with my hands in my pockets.

My smile fell instantly.

_Even alive.._

Komui's word echoed in my head and I shoved it to the back of my mind. He will come back. Yuu will come back.

He promised me didn't he?

* * *

**I hope that's not too lame...Didn't have much time to write this chapter...Please excuse my grammar people...I'll try to find a way to work it out...**


	8. Chapter 8

**I wish I own this anime...But not such luck...This is chapter 8..Excuse me for my lousy grammar and hope you enjoy the story. Thanks to those who are still following my story and thanks a lot for the reviews, really gave me the determination to write more...**

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**_Heart made out of ice, stone and glass, hard and cold yet breakable._**

"Oh My GOD!" I heard a girl exclaimed not far away from me.

She was standing outside a bar dressed in some sort of dress that showed _way_ too much. And guess what? She was pointing at me.

"Oh my God! You must be an exorcist!" she ran towards me smiling prettily.

I smiled.

"Hey pretty one." I greeted her with my huge big and fake smile.

"Hey," she said seductively. "What's your name?" she smiled her pretty long blond hair hung around her small back.

"It's Lavi." I held out my hand to shake hers. She accepted gladly.

"What brings a charming exorcist with such wild hair to this part of the world today?" she asked coyly as a group of girls obviously working in the bar with her rushed over.

"I don't know. Life is pretty unpredictable; I'm just here to do my job." I smiled at her as the group of her friends circled us all talking at the same time.

"Are you tired after such a long day?" a young girl with short brown hair asked shyly, tugging at my black and white coat at the same time.

I smiled the big Lavi smile.

"Ladies, you all look so pretty tonight. How bout I'll just have a drink at the little bar where you girls work at and you can tell me more about here?" I suggested cheerfully. All emotions well hidden behind.

They giggled as they heard flatter. Softly, one of them tugged my orange scarf and led the way.

"This way please." Long pretty fingers touched my arm longingly.

I smiled again and go with them my mask firmly on. I should be flattered that this many beautiful girls were trying to talk to me but no, that very moment I feel like shouting at them to leave me alone. But hey, my trainings are not for nothing.

"So," I said casually sitting at the dimly lit bar sipping my liquor with the girls all around me.

"You girls sure look happy to see you." I raised an eyebrow at them as they rolled their eyes and sighed.

"You have no idea how boring this place is. All we serve is old disgusting geezers who smell like he could use a bath and just can't keep their hands off us." One of them explained while twirling a strand of hair between her fingers.

"You must be an angel sent by God to take away our boringness." Another girl with sophisticated looks and long black hair said smiling revealing her perfect white teeth.

Jeez, this bar is not named the best on town for nothing. Look at their waitress! Drop dead gorgeous and so flirting with me.

"Did anything weird happened around this town recently?" I asked again casually.

"Oh, I heard a rumor going on around that people disappear…" one of them said thoughtfully and hence, I begun my research.

I had a couple of drinks there that night. Talked a lot and gathered a lot of info too. As I was about to leave, a few of them even offered to spend the night with me.

"We could do whatever you want." The one with long blond hair batted her lashes at me.

Hah. My brain spat in sarcasm.

Like that's gonna happen. Dream on ladies, I'm even looking at you is because I'm a god damned bookman and gathering information from people like you is my job.

But I smiled sheepishly and ruffled my flaming red hair with my half-gloved hand.

"I'm sorry girls, not tonight." I politely rejected. I've slept with a lot of girls before I met Yuu but after I met him, he will be the only person I sleep with. I want nobody else.

They pouted looking so tempting and pretty. Why? Why does this heart of mine does not want any of them? Any man would love to have their hands on these girls right now but not me.

"Come back again okay! We'll be waiting." They shouted at me waving their hands wildly.

I waved grinning at them cheerfully and walked away. As soon as I turned my back to them, my smile dropped.

I shoved a hand into my coat pocket and pulled out a round black metal stuff.

"Jerry." I whispered to my golem and it started to dial the number of the name I've just spoken.

It rang for a long time until a deep voice answered.

"Hello."

"Hey there." I said cheerfully.

"Ahh," the other exclaimed and I could picture the smile on his face.

"Any news?" I asked like always.

Silence.

"No Lavi."

I nodded hiding my disappointment with silence.

A long pause.

"Are you still hoping he would come back Lavi?" he asked in a voice barely more then a whisper.

I laughed hiding everything inside.

"Call me if you hear anything okay, thanks Jerry." I said in a cheerful tone betraying how I feel.

"Is this the power of love?" he asked in a sad tone only a trained ear could make out.

"No Jerry, it's foolishness." I said airily as I continued to make my way towards my inn in the dark cold lonely night.

The other man chuckled.

"I'll see you when you get back."

"Sure." And we hung up. I arrived at my inn then get straight to my room. Tiredness felt like a heavy burden in my body as I flopped down on the big bed.

"Yuu." One word escaped from my lips. Without meaning to, without realizing, but with feeling.

"I miss you so much." I whispered to the silence around me and sighed when nobody reply me.

It had been five months. I am still waiting. On a mission like this, I would call Jerry as he kept an eye on things going around Black Order for me.

I don't know if it's out of tiredness or sadness or what, I fell into a restless sleep fully dressed.

_BANG!_

I heard a loud noise outside. I groaned into my pillow, turned over and try to go back to sleep.

Then somebody knocked my door frantically.

"Go away." I moaned.

"Mr. Exorcist! You must come!" I heard the finder yelled.

"Mm, go away." I said again.

"Please, you have to come. It's important."

"Which part of go away is it that you don't understand?" I asked irritated.

No reply.

"Finally," I mumbled thinking he had gone away and put my face back on my pillow.

"Akumas." I heard him say after a few seconds.

My eye shoot wide open as my whole body system jumped back to life. I rolled off my bed and quickly put on my boots before opening the door roughly.

The Finder stared at me in surprise.

"Let's go." I started walking away fast while adjusting my head band and eye patch.

"Lead the way." I told the Finder once we were outside.

"This way." He said without hesitating.

**_I am nothing but a fool._**

I pulled out my hammer when we got to the location of the Akumas. There were at least hundreds of them. I thought observing my surrounding. Luckily nobody was around, or many would have to die again.

I swung my hammer around my fingers in circular motions.

"Innocence activate!" I said those magic words and unleashed my innocence.

Without waiting for a moment longer, I swung my hammer at the closest Akuma and it shrieked so loud with such agony and pain, it struck me to my core.

Showers of bullets were sent towards me and I spun myself here and there and around, acting before I'd even thought about it. Summoning fire from hell, flames set them ablaze and turned them to ashes and that was only introduction.

Intense urge to kill built in me as I gripped my hammer tighter around hands. I felt adrenaline rushed through my veins when my body lunged forward towards the sea of Akumas. I wasn't thinking straight. I just swing my hammer to every Akuma in sight.

A couple of bullets hit me as they pound my body against floors and walls bruising the tender skin and muscles beneath but it's nothing. It's nothing at all comparing to the wound in my heart. Blood oozed out of my wounds and again it's nothing. It's nothing at all comparing to all the blood my heart had shed.

A lump formed in my throat at my thoughts and tears welled behind my eyes.

I blinked them away. "I will be strong." I told myself and stood up.

I wasn't going to go down without a fight first. _Damn it_ I wasn't.

The fight was long, to be exact, it felt like years. My brain reacted with my instincts, my body was fast to reflex and damn, I was prepared to fight anything that got in my way.

After a couple of decades, which was probably only two hours, all Akumas were dead. The smell of exploded metal and blood hung tickly in the air. I stood there in the middle hurt but a victor; fires that I summoned from hell still burn everything in sight with the same shade of my hair. Adrenaline rush slowly slowed down in my pulses as I stood there breathing hard.

Only then I felt pain in my wounds. I winced closing my eye to calm myself down. But no matter how deep my physical wound was, it was nothing at all compared to this funny pain in my chest that contains something called heart that belongs to a certain someone who left me here all alone to wait for him.

My face was blank with emotion, lips set in a straight line, flaming red hair wild on my head and I opened my deep emerald green eye again to look around with an empty gaze.

Nothing at all could compare to this pain in my heart.

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**A little depressing there? I hope so..I made this chapter to reveal a bit more of Lavi's thoughts because he hides too much inside..Hope it's good and I hope you guys enjoyed it..Next chapter right up..Thank you for reading!!**


	9. Chapter 9

**I wish I own this anime...But no such luck...This is chapter 9...Excuse me for my lousy grammar and hope you enjoy this story...**

**a/n: In this story, some of you might think Lavi is a little lack of emotion. Well, yeah, it's kinda true. I made him strong because he is a MAN after all..And he's a bookman. I figured this is how he will most probably act based on his personality in the anime.. I don't want to make a teary Lavi(teary in a serious way, not the kind when he was acting and trying to piss everyone off) because that will be SO out of character. But don't worry, I'll give you guys a satisfying ending in the end where all emotions will break loose for the first time in Bookman history... Don't hate me and keep reading! **

* * *

**_The truth behind truth is lie._**

"Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so is Yuu." the silly riddle slipped from my lips one evening while I was walking down a corridor near Science Department. It had been six months since Yuu had left. I'm still waiting for him everyday.

"Lavi," a voice called from behind.

I swirled around nonchalantly.

"Yes?" I asked looking dull and found Komui standing not far away from me. He got this stupid smile on as he waved.

I squinted at him.

"Hello Komui," I greeted gravely.

"What brings such a charming man to this corridor tonight?" I asked airily.

He chuckled.

"Lavi, fancy on taking an evening stroll with me?" he asked.

"How can I refuse." I finally smiled and walked with him towards the forest outside Black Order.

"Ahh," Komui sighed taking a deep breath of the cool forest air. "I hadn't been out here for ages. I thought I was going to root in there."

"Too late, it had already happened." I muttered to myself.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing." I said smiling.

He gave me a disapprove look. Too bad. He heard me.

The trees around waved with the wind and bright green leaves rustled softly. The smell of spring was all around us making me feel calm.

We walked in silence under the trees for awhile until he spoke up.

"It's been half a year already hasn't it?" his said referring to Yuu, his voice was soft coated with sadness.

I was silent for a long time as we continued to walk not looking at each other.

"Yeah," I finally whispered.

I saw him nodded from the corner of my eye. We had not talked about this subject since the day he told me Yuu might not be coming back. Yeah, it definitely had been a long time.

"There's something I have to tell you actually." The spectacled man said in a tone I didn't understood.

I waited, thinking it's about some research again.

"I had been tormenting myself with a stupid thing that I have been keeping to myself." He said gazing up at the red, pink and purple sky.

"Well, you do a lot of stupid stuffs." I stated shrugging starring down at my boots, kicking a few random stones as I go.

He pouted at me and muttered something about me being so mean.

I rolled my eye at him and we continued to walk silence.

"I know what happened to him." He finally whispered still looking up at the sky.

It took me exactly five seconds to digest what he said.

I turned to look at him with a frown on my face and caught his eyes. My heart pounded in my chest and my stomach tied itself into knots.

"What?" I asked grimly my eye searching his.

"I can't tell you." He said regretfully.

Anger immediately started to burn inside as I opened my mouth to protest.

"How could yo-"

"But," he cut me off slowing to a stop to look me straight in the eye seriously.

"I can tell you something else."

He paused.

I waited.

"He won't be coming back here anymore. I'm not sure if he's even alive. All I know is he won't be back Lavi." He said turning his face to an angle where his glasses reflected the light so I couldn't see his eyes and read him.

I stood there letting his words sink in and cut me deep. My face, I was sure, showed no emotion. I just stood there blankly as fire burned in rage inside me.

Slowly he started walking away leaving me to sort things out with myself.

"No," I shook my head. That's not logical. Something is not right here.

"You are not telling me the truth. Yuu is still alive. I can feel it. He will be back." I said firmly to him.

He stopped in his tracks and he shook his head without turning around.

I strolled over to him and reached out a hand to grip his arm tightly. Desperation in my uncovered deep green eye.

"You have to tell me." I plead.

He was silent.

"I'm sorry Lavi." He whispered.

I bit my lip and my whole body tensed up. I watched his up-curved hair swayed with the wind and his face that held no emotion.

"This is not fair." I muttered.

He smirked.

"You should know this simple fact ten years ago Lavi." He said calmly.

"Why are you lying to me Komui?" I asked in a tone that I was sure he didn't understood.

"Give up Lavi." He said simply like we were talking about a simple stupid chess game.

I gripped my half-gloved hand at my side and stood there with my other hand still on his arm eyeing his face angrily. We stayed there for a long time.

Finally, he turned around to look me straight in the eye. The sky was the shade of deep red that was fading away fast, casting dark shadows on our features. Ravens flew towards the dying sun screeching as they go filling the silence with their cries of agony.

My hand slipped from his arm and hung by my side as I looked at the older man right in front of me blankly.

"Give up Lavi. Kanda will never come back." He flung those words at me so hard; I could felt my heart bleeding already as my gaze continued to bore into his.

I shook my head. No.

"You don't have any emotion Lavi. You're not meant to have feelings. Think about your commitments. Don't get too attached to a puppy love. I'm sure I'm not the first one to remind you that." He said getting a little out of control of himself.

"How do you know that my love for him is not serious?" I asked through gritted teeth, wanting to punch him so much in the face but stopped myself.

"I am standing here telling you the worse news ever and your eye." He said frowning.

"They showed nothing but emptiness. You have no emotion inside. You two are not meant to be together. You heard me? Just give up so all of us will be happy." He pointed at my expressionless face.

How do you know I have no emotion at all? Did you actually cut me up from inside and look? What do you know about love? What the _hell_ do you know? I wanted to fling these questions at him but restrain myself from doing so. I can't loose control. I just stared at him, all emotions well hidden my mask.

I sighed bottling everything up and smiled.

"Maybe you're right Komui." My smile was a perfect disguise of pain. Nobody can see through these masks of mine other then Yuu. Nobody else.

His eyes flicked with surprised. Of all the reactions in the world, he wasn't expecting this. He looked away from my eye and tried to calm himself down.

"I'm sorry Lavi. I shouldn't have said those words to you." He apologized after he had finally calmed down.

I laughed and patted him on the shoulder.

"Don't worry Komui. I understand what you meant." I said assuring him.

He looked up and smiled at me. I noticed it was filled with sadness.

I nodded smiling charmingly.

"Let's go Komui, its getting dark." I said pushing him from behind to start walking.

"Why the rush?"

I groaned.

"But I'm hungry." I whined pathetically still pushing him.

He sighed.

"You're such a kid."

I only laughed. A laugh that hid everything behind too well, a laugh that concealed my broken heart, a laugh that I myself want to believe it's real but it's not. What part of me is real anyway?

My name is Lavi. I'm seventeen. Life is unfair. For the first time in my life, I finally understood what it truly means.

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**I hope you guys liked it. Lavi is really strong there(emotionally).. Sorry if I made Komui that way...He has a reason...**

**Once again, if you have any comments or criticism or suggestion or even stupid question...Don't hesitate to let me know. Thanks for reading and Next chapter right up!!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I wish I own this anime...But no such luck...This is chapter 10...Excuse me for my lousy grammar and hope you enjoy this story...**

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**_Tears of angels that falls for me._**

My eye ran along the lines of words on a foreign newspaper that old panda made me read. It was something about wars again only this time, it's in Japan. Yuu's home.

After finishing, I put the papers down on my room's desk and looked out the window beside me. The sky was painted with red and purple and faint black. The sun was about to set.

Standing up from my chair, I groaned for sitting so long and stretched a bit.

Slowly, I let myself out of my room into the cold corridor. Everyone was probably in the cafeteria by now so nobody's around.

My boots made deep faint sound against the stone floor as I leisurely climbed the stairs up to rooftop. It was like a routine I do everyday.

When the day was about to come to an end, I would put down everything I do and go to the rooftop and watch the sun set. At the same time, keep an eye on the grounds for Yuu. Just in case he comes back.

Pushing the huge wooden door open, a light gust of wind welcomed me. I walked over to the edge where Mr. Will was standing majestically and looked out at the beautiful scenery before me.

The wind blew again; I felt my messy flaming red hair waved on my head. The mountains in front of me looked huge and the sun slowly sinks lower and lower.

Ravens flew towards the dying sun, like always, they shriek as they go filling my ears with their cries of despair.

It had been eight months since Yuu left. Everyday, every hour and every minute, my mind was constantly thinking about him. Deep down me I can feel that he's alive, but I don't know where he is.

I sighed and sat down with my legs dangling off the cliff dangerously. I thought about Yuu. His lovely long black locks that spread so messily on his pillow like spilled ink. His pale and soft milky skin that I love to touch. Those straight pink lips that sometimes stretch into a beautiful smile only for me.

Oh, I almost forgot. His lovely deep sapphire blue eyes and long dark lashes that looked almost like black under the pale moonlight. A funny emotion swelled in me, those are the only eyes that can see through the fake me and those are the eyes that I fell in love with.

I sighed tearing my gaze from the mountains to look up at the sky. Opposite the sun, the moon was already hanging there in the darkness. It looked so lonely without any stars or clouds around it.

I smiled.

"One going down, the other coming up. Like two lovers that can never meet. Yet faithfully, both of them showed up everyday to see each other." I paused.

"Even for just a little while." I whispered as the sun vanished into the thin line in horizon and moon moved higher up in the sky.

Absent-mindedly, I reached out my hand to touch my lips. How I missed the warmth of Yuu's lips on mine. Every time we kiss, my heart never fails to skip a beat. But all seems so far away now. Yuu is so out of reach.

"Is this why you ask my heart not to waver?" I asked nobody.

"Why am I still here foolishly waiting for you?" I asked again. A lump formed in my throat as tears fought their way to my eyes.

I swallowed and wipe off the tear under my eye-patch. I'm not going to cry. I believe Yuu. He told me he'll be back and he will definitely come back. My love for him is strong.

But how long will it last? A voice asked in me.

I shook my head. I don't know. Then again, what is it that I truly know? I can't predict future can I?

"Lavi," a familiar voice interrupted my thoughts abruptly. I looked around for the source of voice but found nobody.

"Huh?" I scratched my head in confusion.

"I swear I heard her voice." I mumbled to myself.

The voice chuckled.

"Lavi, I'm in front of you." I turned my head to the front to see Leenale floating in mid-air.

I relaxed and smiled.

"Hey Leenale. What are you doing floating around?" I asked laughing at her activated innocence.

The pretty girl with long pigtails smiled at me.

"I'm just taking a walk."

"More like taking a fly." I mumbled.

She laughed and sank down beside me, humming a little tone to herself.

"What are you doing here everyday Lavi?" she asked after a few minutes of silence.

I debated with myself on how to answer her.

"Why aren't you in cafeteria with Moyashi?" I decided to ignore her question.

I turned sideways to look at her. She got this faraway look in her eyes as she watched the mountains.

"Allen went to a mission." She answered simply.

"Oh," I gave her the most intelligent answer in the whole universe.

"He'll be back." I said firmly.

She smiled not looking at me.

"I know. He promised me."

I turned away from her face and gazed at the darkening mountains in silence.

"How long had it been?" she asked turning her head slightly to look at me.

Please don't ask me about Yuu again.

"How long what had been?" I played stupid.

"You know what I'm talking about Lavi."

I chuckled and stayed silence for a long time.

"Nine months." I whispered.

She nodded.

The day has darkened completely. The air turned chilly but we sat there unmoving. Our hair swayed with the cold night wind as lights started to flicker open beneath us all around Black Order.

We continued to sit in silence.

A drop of water landed on my hand that was placed on my lap as the gust of strong wind blew. I looked up to see a clear sky. I frowned when another drop of water landed on my hand as another gust of wind blew.

I heard a small sob beside me.

She's crying.

I sighed inwardly and turned towards her. Slowly I leaned down to peer at her face. Tears rolled down her soft cheeks and when the wind blew, drops of her tears landed on me.

"Don't cry. Allen will be back." I said trying to assure her. She shook her head.

"What?" I asked. "It's not about him?"'

Again she shook her head.

"Now," I said thoughtfully. "What could make our little princess cry other then Allen?" she kept quiet.

"Did someone bully you? Well, tell me who that is. I'll give him a piece of my mind." I said again wondering why she was crying.

She tried to smile as she shook her head, her hair waving around her face.

"These tears," she explained. "They fell by themselves."

I laughed.

"You're silly Leenale." I said and ruffled her long hair playfully but she kept on crying.

"Don't cry." I plead and put an arm around her shoulders. She leaned into me and put her face at my shoulder and cried. I felt my black shirt slowly damp with warm tears.

I couldn't do anything but lend her a shoulder.

"Lavi, I feel so bad for you." she finally said, her voice quivering.

Huh?

"What do you mean?" I asked softly and she pulled away to look me straight in the eye.

"Deep down here," she pressed my left chest. "It felt hurt. I know."

Behind my smiling façade, I heard my heart cracked.

"Why would you say that?"

"Everyday, I pray for Kanda to return. Everyday, I pray for you." She paused.

"How come you're so strong?" She finished her sentence in a very soft whisper that I almost couldn't catch.

"Don't worry. I'm sure Yuu will be back. He promised me and I believe him." I said softly trying to assure her.

"I want him to return so badly because I know, you're hurting even though you never show it. You never will." She said fresh tears rolled down her cheeks again.

I stared at her feeling sad but did not show it. I can't show it.

"Come on Leenale, don't be sad over me. I'm doing just fine aren't I? And Yuu, I'm sure he'll come back. It's all the matter of time."

She only nodded.

"Come on, it's getting cold, I'll walk you back to your room." I said softly pulling her up beside me.

She nodded again and that night, I walked her back to her room. I smiled and laughed with her telling her I'm fine. When we arrived at her room, she was smiling happily again. I wished I could smile like that too.

I walked down a corridor after Leenale was safely in her room which was very near Science Department because of Komui. My footsteps quieted down as I walked pass Komui's office.

I was seriously not in the mood for his craps right now.

Then I heard a muffled voice coming from in there. I strained my ears and heard a small sniffle. I frowned in curiosity and stood beside the huge door my back leaning against the wall so he can't see me.

"I'm sorry." I heard him whispered. Curiosity got the better of me so I peek into the room and saw Komui sitting on his huge chair, face hidden behind his hands which were propped up on his laps.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered over and over again.

I realized he was crying.

I pulled my head back and sighed inwardly. The pain and sadness humans feel. It's incredible.

I stood there listening to his silent sobs and sniffs until I heard him mumbled something.

"I'm so sorry Lavi." I blanched when I heard my name.

"I'm so sorry Lavi." He whispered over and over again.

I stood there starring at my feet feeling miserable listening to the Chinese man's sobs. My heart tightens in my chest making me feel a little out of breath. It hurts. Yeah, it hurts a lot.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't make it better." His voice broke harshly.

I shook my head, sadden by the fact that the Chinese man was crying for me.

"Don't be. It's not your fault." I whispered so softly, I was sure he couldn't hear me.

"It's not your fault at all." I whispered again and walked away leaving him there crying alone.

**_I'm not worth your tears._**

"Give me half a dozen cups of mango pudding please." I said smiling cheerfully at Jerry. I needed something sweet to cheer me up after listening to Komui cry.

The older man hmn-ed at me thoughtfully.

"It's a bit light don't you think. I believe I did not see you during dinner. You should eat more so you'll have more strength to fight." He said flashing his white teeth at me.

I chuckled and scratched my head.

"I don't really have an appetite today. Something sweet will do." I told him, my smiling façade deceived him.

He looked at me for a little longer then nodded before turning away to make my pudding.

"Here you go." He said putting a tray on the counter after a couple of minutes.

I nodded.

"Thanks a lot Jerry." I said sincerely looking into his eyes.

He studied me for a long time as I stood there continuing to smile.

"How are you Lavi?" he asked looking suddenly very old.

I snorted and raised an eye brow at him before laughing.

"Well," I shrugged. "Like always, never better." I grinned assuring at him.

"I've been here for more then thirty years. I watched you kids grow up." He said grimly.

I listened and nodded.

"Kanda," he paused.

Yuu.

"He never had many friends."

I rolled my eye.

"That's because he's such a pain in the ass all the time." I said sarcastically.

He shook his head and leaned on the counter to look at me closer.

"The truth is, I've never seen him so _alive_ before." He nodded to himself remembering his memories.

"He was like a living dead until you came into his life." He said grimly.

I averted my gaze from his and look down at my tray of puddings to hide my pain.

"He's a beautiful kid." Jerry said tiredly.

You have no idea. I thought as I nodded.

"I know both of you meant a lot to each other." He smiled at me when I looked up stunned.

"How do you know?"

"On your part, it was easy to see. For him, he was always complaining about you totally pissed off. If he didn't care, why do you think he's so angry? Isn't he always there when you're hurt though he'd never-"he choked on his words.

I looked up and he quickly turned away from me. Too late. I already saw the tears that fell from his eyes.

He frantically tries to wipe away his tears with his back towards me but I saw more tears fell instead.

"Please don't cry for me." I whispered wishing something can mitigate the pain I feel in my chest.

He paused for a moment before taking a deep breath to calm himself down.

"I'm not worth your tears." I mumbled picking up my tray and started heading towards my room.

I'm not worth it for any of my friends to cry for me.

"Lavi," he called after me, his voice broke. "I know that you've been always sad, sometimes, your mask give your feelings away too."

I stopped listening to him.

"I try to make things better by cooking better food for you but the truth is I can't do anything. Watching you kids suffering like this hurts me a lot. I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything." His voice was quivering, trying hard not to cry.

I pursed my lips and fought with my own tears that threaten to well behind my eyes. I looked down at the tray in my hands.

I'm not suffering, my heart is. Yuu meant so much to me; words can't be used to explain just how much exactly. There is nothing about him that I don't love. He's not exactly perfect but it was his imperfection that made him so perfect to me.

I turned around pushing the thoughts away to the back of my mind and smiled.

"Don't worry Jerry, Yuu will be back. I'll be fine. We're strong aren't we? We eat your food since young." I grinned holding up my arm to show him my muscle and Jerry that stared at me wide-eyed.

He smiled through his tears and nodded.

"Yeah, you kids are really strong." He agreed. "If that's the case," he cheered up immediately. "Come here tomorrow during lunch and I'll make you the best food ever!"

I laughed at his sudden change of mood.

"I'll be here." I promised and walked away, my smile fell instantly.

**_I never knew loneliness 'till I met you._**

That night I had nightmares again. I woke up drenched with cold sweat. Pushing my blanket away, I stood up to walk towards the door but stopped when a cold hard truth suddenly hit me; I have no one to run to anymore. I bit my lip as I walked back and sank back down on my bed, emotions inside me wanted to erupt like a volcano.

"Calm down Lavi." I told myself sitting properly in my huge bed breathing hard.

I looked around and saw nothing but darkness. There was no moon that night. There was only me.

I pressed a hand on my face tiredly.

I gazed at the space beside me. It was empty. It used to be filled with a fallen angel with long black locks and lovely midnight blue eyes but he's gone now. Where? I don't know.

I reached out my hand to pat the cold space beside me. I gritted my teeth when emotions swelled making tears well. I shut both my eyes tightly frowning. This unbearable clench in my heart, what is this? I'm not suppose to feel like this. Weren't I trained to not to feel?

"Yuu," I whispered, my voice sounded foreign to my own ears. I wanted to burst from suppressing so many emotions in me. I wanted so much to cry my eyes out but I can't. I can't do it.

Wiping my cold sweat on my forehead with the back of my palm, I remembered how Yuu always caress me with his cold long smooth fingers. I sighed leaning my back on my pillow, pulling the sheets over me.

My heart craving for the warmth of Yuu beside me. I wanted to see him so much that it actually hurts. I want my love to come back to me so much. I gripped my hands in frustration.

Wasn't I used to this before I met Yuu? Didn't I always sleep alone and handle silly tiny things like nightmares alone? But why? Why does this heart of mine clenching and hurting and my chest felt empty?

So many of my friends cried for me today. They said I was strong, but the truth beneath this stupid façade of mine was actually pain. A pain I can't afford others to see. A pain that only Yuu can mitigate it. A pain that was so unbearable, I could slam my head against the wall.

I wrapped my arms around my knees and hid my face grinding my teeth trying hard to hold those stupid annoying tears behind. My pain deteriorated with every passing minute. Only then I realized, this emptiness in me, this pain, it can be described by one simple word that normal people always use. Yes, it's a very simple word that I've came across for at least a million times in books. It's called _loneliness_. Yes, without Yuu, I feel very lonely. So lonely, I could almost break from inside out and vanish.

That night, I almost lost my equilibrium. As I was falling asleep, a tear slipped down from my eye and slid down over the bridge of my nose and down to my pillow.

That's okay, I remembered I told myself. No one saw that tiny tear. That's okay, Yuu will be back soon because _God damn_ it, he promised me. The beautiful yet arrogant and aggressive man that I've came to love so much will come back to me because I knew he felt the same way too about me. I trust him.

* * *

**This chapter was somehow kinda hard to write...Hope you liked it...Leave a simple comment if you want...So "somebody" *winkwink* yes, you...Please be patient, I predict Kanda will show up in another chapter or two......Bear with me and Keep reading! Next chapter right up!**


	11. Chapter 11

**I wish I own this anime...But no such luck...This chapter is the longest one so far...Hope you guys enjoy it...For the hundredth, please excuse me for my lousy grammar...Enjoy...**

***to Mfinga19 = Thanks for the Akuma info..I seriously didn't know the plural for Akuma is still Akuma! Hahaha!**

* * *

**_I ponder, trying to figure out what I've missed._**

"Lavi," old Panda called from across me one day. I tore my gaze from the book I was reading and looked up at him raising a brow.

"What?"

He stared at me grimly with his two black holes for a long time making me squirm in my seat. No one had ever guessed right what that old man was thinking. Not even me. He was one pure hardcore bookman that showed really, absolutely nothing.

"What?" I asked again frowning this time. "Stop starring at me with those panda eyes, it's freaking me out." I waved my finger in circular motion in front of his eyes mocking him.

He gave me a demeaning look.

"Why do I have such an idiot for an apprentice?" he asked no one in particular.

"Thanks." I said dryly and continue to read my book about a civil war that was going on in 17th century.

"It seems that you're doing fine so far. It's good to see you so concentrating for the past year." He croaked.

"Pfft!" I spat at him and rolled my eye. "I am always concentrating on my work. You just like to complain all the time."

I received a hard slap on the head.

"OWW!" I bawled flinching further away from him. "That hurts." I pouted at him.

He sighed and covered his eyes with his hand tiredly.

"And you're still an idiot." He muttered.

"I'm not deaf you know." I sang nonchalantly.

"Then who was it that dithers around all the time?"

"Since when do I dither?" I protested.

"Lavi, you idiot." I stick out my tongue at him and received another blow on my head.

Silence was restored for a brief couple of minutes when he spoke again.

"What I did for you was right." he said blankly to me.

I groaned not understanding what he meant at all.

"Can you talk to me in a language I understand?"

He only looked away rolling his eyes and continued writing his work.

We sat in silence for a couple of hours longer.

"I'll catch you later old man." I said standing up after finishing my job and walked out of the library without waiting for a reply. The sun was about to set soon. I quicken my pace towards the roof top.

It was winter again. It had been exactly a year since Yuu went away. Until now, I'm still here waiting. Everyday, constantly waiting. I guess I should forget him and trust me, I've tried but it didn't work out. It had only made me crazy with his memories running through my head over and over again.

This emptiness and pain in my chest remained on like a scar. Always reminding me just how much I love him. That feeling never wavered.

I pushed open the wooden door and cold winter wind welcomed me making me clutch my coat tighter around me. I walked to where Mr. Will was standing. His branches were once again bare from leaves looking as lonely as every tree in every winter.

"Hey Mr. Will." I greeted softly.

I watched flocks of birds flying towards the dying sun though I couldn't see it well behind all those dark gray clouds. Looks like it's gonna snow tonight.

"I miss you so much Yuu." I whispered wondering which part of the world he was in right now and if he missed me too.

I thought back to the day when Yuu was leaving. Oh those beautiful eyes and face, I would do anything if I could kiss him just once more. He told me not to let my heart waver.

"You already know this will happen don't you Yuu?" I whispered as I sat down on my usual spot dangling my legs off the cliff dangerously.

I gazed out at the familiar huge mountains as I sunk into my own world of grieve.

I remembered my little conversation with Komui in the forest a few months ago when he told me that Yuu is never coming back. How I caught him crying in his office one late night apologizing to me. Why didn't he just apologize to me instead of crying in his office brokenly like a baby?

I leaned forward in my hands with a frown on my face. Something's not right there. Images and information ran through my brain trying to calculate, interpret, and find what I missed.

Komui was considerably a smart guy but he slips his tongue a lot. He said something about a test long time ago when I asked him when is Yuu coming back. He refused to tell me what exactly happened to Yuu when he told me the horrible news. He said he can't. Why? Is there anyone telling him that he can't?

Something is really not right here. The sun had set already and I continued to sit there thinking. My fingers grew so cold, I was afraid they would fell off.

Does this have anything to do with the Bookman? Does this have anything to do with me? What is the connection between? I thought my brain searching for an answer, an explanation.

Bookman was not here when Yuu didn't come back. He said he got some business to take care off. He said I was always dithering, unable to make a decision about things and what he did for me was right. What exactly was it that he _did_ for me? Komui on the other acted very suspicious too and avoided me for a long time. There was something I must have missed noticing. But where? What? I continued to think, trying to put every piece of puzzle in place, calculating every possible reason.

Suddenly something snapped in my head, the truth hit me hard. I've figured it out. For a brief minute, I wished what I figured out was wrong. It couldn't be. No, it can't be right. But this is reality, a voice said in me. Yes, this is reality, it's harsh, it's cold and it hurts. I felt incredibly angry and sadden by the truth.

A gust of soft wind blew and I looked up to see snow started to fall. Thousands of frozen tears landed slowly on me and everything in sight while I burned with rage. The answer was so simple. I could kick myself for not figuring it out sooner.

Standing up abruptly, I debated with myself on what to do next. Should I confront them? Or should I just act stupid? How can I get Yuu back?

"What should I do?" I asked softly. It was completely dark already, the snow started to fall heavily. I've been sitting there for at least two hours. I felt so cold. Suddenly, a huge gust of wind blew at me making whistling sound at my ears. Just like the first time. It felt like it was trying to tell me something. I stood there unmoving for a few moments, trying to understand the whispers.

Everything suddenly seemed crystal clear. I nodded to the thin air.

"Thank you," I whispered. "I know what to do now." With that, I stormed into the Black Order angrily heading straight to Science Department, towards that one particular messy office.

**_When all hell breaks loose._**

I stormed into the messy office without even knocking. Komui looked up from a piece of paper he was reading and smiled.

"Hello Lavi, what brings you here so late today?"

I stared at his smile glassily.

He noticed my lack of enthusiasm and his smile dropped.

"You have something to say?" he asked grimly.

I glared at him with my emerald green eye. He looked back with a steady gaze.

"Explain," I said quietly, trying hard not to loose control.

He was quiet for a few minutes as I stood there still cold from the snow.

"Looks like you've finally figured it out huh, Lavi?" he asked standing up from his seat.

"I knew you would throw a fit. I guess nobody can really out smart you huh? Certainly not me, and now not even Bookman?" he said calmly.

"Yeah, but I wasn't smart enough to figure this stupid child play out sooner." I said through gritted teeth.

"I thought you were my friend Komui." I said looking at him feeling betrayed. He looked away.

"I'm sorry Lavi," he said. "I had no choice."

"Why? What is it of that old panda you're afraid of? Why did you do what he told you to?"

He shook his head.

"I'm not afraid of him, Lavi."

"Then why did you do it?" I asked weakly, still remaining calm.

"Because it's your test and you know Bookman clan is a well known and powerful clan. They are very good terms with the church and they often help each other out. If I don't comply with what the church says, I'll loose my position. If I loose my position, who will take care of this Order? You know what the church's people are like. I can't let them make all of my family here suffer." He said brokenly not meeting my eye.

I stood there suddenly feeling very old.

"Why is this world so unfair?" I muttered without realizing, hot fiery anger burned increasingly in me with every passing moment.

"I told you before, you should realize this simply fact a decade ago." He said sadly. I grinded my teeth suppressing the boiling anger that was burning in me.

I gripped my hands. This may be about me but what does it have to do with Yuu? He must be very miserable to be sent away. I love him so much! Is it wrong to love someone?!

Fire burned in my eye as I gave him a deadly glare. I was loosing control.

"I _hate_ you _damn_ foolish humans!" I spat viciously, slamming my right fist onto his large desk with a huge 'BANG'. The glass on top of the table broke and shattered to million pieces all around me by the sudden forced as the wood beneath cracked.

"_GOD DAMN IT_! I hate you all _so much_!" I shouted and slammed my fist again on the wooden desk with so much anger and rage, the table broke into pieces.

"You see this?" I hissed pointing at the now ruined pieces of wood. "_This_ is how I feel." I frowned glaring at him furiously.

The older Chinese did not even blink an eye at my action. He just stood there numbly and met my gaze when he looked up.

My hand stung and I felt something warm seeping through my fingers and dripped on the paper filled floor. I watched crimson stain the papers like ink, something that cannot be reversed or erase.

"Your hand is bleeding; I should get you to the infirmary." He stated looking very composed. I on the other was almost hysterics with rage.

"Don't God damn tell me I'm bleeding! This amount of blood," I yelled eyeing him intensely. "These are nothing!" I flung my hand in frustration. Drops of blood hit his long white coat and the cupboard filled with books behind him.

"This is **NOTHING** at all compared to the amount of blood that my_ fucking_ heart shed." My voice shouted so loud, it broke. With that I stalked off.

"Lavi!" I heard him called after me over and over again but I didn't care. I just wanted to go to my room where I can calm down.

I looked down at my hand; pieces of glasses were sticking to my glove and flesh. Bloods dripped on the stone floor with every step I took and some stained my pure white pants too.

I stalked past Science Department and cafeteria like a ferocious beast. I felt many pairs of eyes bore into me. Whispers can be heard all around me with my trained ears.

_Isn't that Lavi?_

_Why is he so angry?_

_It's so unlike him, he was never like this._

_What happened to Lavi?_

_Lavi looked like wild animal._

_Lavi! Lavi! Lavi! Lavi_!

I felt like screaming! Stop talking behind my back! Stop saying my name! I turned around and glared at the people around.

I growled.

"Stop starring!" my voice was loud and powerful and_ blood_ lust. Everyone gasped and looked back at me confused, Leenale among them, tears in her confused eyes. I turned away abruptly and started walking again until I almost reached my room when I heard a voice calling out to me.

"Lavi!" it's Allen. "Lavi!" he called again when I didn't stop.

"Lavi!" he called again his voice getting close until I felt a warm hand on my shoulder.

I stopped in my tracks; fury were still burning in my emerald green eye.

"Lavi," he called again only this time, softly. Pulling me around to face him, Timcanpy on his shoulders. He looked at me with sincere concern in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly. I turned my face away from him, clenching my bleeding fist tightly, making the glass to cut my flesh deeper.

The younger British exorcist stared at my bleeding hand for awhile.

"Calm down Lavi," he told me firmly.

I shook my head.

"Lavi," another voice interrupted. It was old panda.

"Remember your commitments. Do not loose control of yourself." His thick voice croaked.

I was really pissed off by his words; I swung around looking at him square in the eye.

"Don't tell me what to do, damn it!" I spat. "Don't tell me about some stupid commitments! I don't need that!"

"Looks like you found out the truth." He said quietly.

"What truth?" Allen asked silently beside me, I ignored him.

"Yes, and I was stupid enough to actually think_ you_ as my master." I pointed a bleeding finger at him.

"You are a bookman. You have to go through tests like this."

"You asked Komui to send him away gramps, you… You sent the only person I ever love **AWAY**!" I raised my voice at him and I heard Allen gasped silently at my words. Behind old panda, I saw Miranda, Krory, Komui, Leenale and a few more people running towards us from the distance.

"You call this a _test_?" I asked in disbelief.

"Stop acting like a fool Lavi! Why are you so out of control?"

"A fool? Out of control?" I scoffed aggressively at him. "You wanna know why?" he stared at me silently with no emotion behind those black holes.

"Because right now, I'm an empty shell, _**NOTHING**_ but a lousy cracked junior _Bookman_." I barked, my words dripping with venom.

Allen stood beside me starring back and forth at us with a frown on his face.

"I'm _broken_ God **DAMN** it!" I yelled at old panda. "And it's all thanks to _you_! My heart is broken so hard that no matter how much glue or stitches or time can't heal it! Do you understand?! I'm not a fucking puppet gramps. I'm a human being!" I shouted, all my emotions breaking out.

"Shut up Lavi. Don't defy your master." Old panda said threateningly.

"Don't tell **ME **to **SHUT UP**! I'm a **HUMAN** with a damn **HEART**! I have _feelings_!" I shrieked loosing my mind.

"Stop this crap Lavi!" old panda took a step forward to me.

"Lavi!" I heard a few other voices calling out my name. I saw Komui among them, terror in his eyes, still wearing the long white coat that was stained with my blood. I bit my lip and pulled out my hammer.

"Stop!" they yelled but too bad, I was getting really good at ignoring them. I activated my innocence, my eye stayed glue on old panda glassily, blankly, bitterly.

"**HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO YUU?!" **I shouted brokenly and swung my hammer at old panda. He stepped aside swiftly and my hammer slammed onto the wall next to him with a loud **_BANG!_** Shattering the bricks to ashes and pieces.

"**DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I _LOVE_ HIM?! HUH? DO YOU HAVE ANY GOD DAMN IDEA HOW HURT HE IS EVEN THOUGH HE WOULD NEVER SHOW IT?!"** I hit and slammed everything around me, officially lost all my composure and equilibrium. The rage and anger that burned in me, it was incredible. I was like a provoked beast, ferociously killing everything in my path. The whole corridor was quickly ruined by me, smokes and ashes were everywhere. A lot of voices were calling out to me. Voices that somehow felt soothing, but I couldn't hear or see them in this mist of anger.

Girding my hammer in my hands, I aimed for old panda. I want to hit him so badly but **DAMN IT**! He was so good at avoiding.

"**STOP RUNNING AWAY!!!"** I screamed waving my hammer around like a psycho. Suddenly, two pairs of hands grabbed both my arms firmly stopping me from heaving my hammer to the floor. Those hands felt very familiar and warm but I was too lost in my world of rage to identify whose hands those were. I couldn't think clearly anymore.

"**LET GO OF ME!! FUCK IT!!"** I tried to pull and yank away forcefully but those hands grabbed on stubbornly. I cursed in another language under my breath.

"**I SAID LET GO OF ME!!"** I tried to push them away with my body.

"Lavi," a childish calm voice whispered into my ear, sounding very familiar. I paused for a moment and continued struggling.

"Lavi! Please stop!" another familiar voice plead but this one was shaky, like he was about to burst into tears. I don't know who they were, I was too blinded by something very awful and gruesome called hatred.

"**WHAT DID I DO WRONG?! IS IT WRONG TO LOVE SOMEONE?! IS IT SUCH A CRIME?! HUH? ANSWER ME DAMN IT!"** I yelled at old panda, giving my arms a real hard shove, making those two pairs of hands to loose their grip for a moment. I took a step forward to old panda ready to swing my hammer again but those two pairs of hands quickly stopped me again, I growled in rage.

"**PLEASE LET GO OF ME!**" I kicked and shoved and wriggled furiously as two more pairs of hands grabbed my waist and legs. I was completely trapped but I wasn't one to give up so easily. I wasn't going down without a fight. _DAMN IT_ I wasn't.

I continued to shove and kick.

"**LET ME GO! HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO YUU? HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME!! LET ME GO!!" **my voice broke harshly, my heart almost bursting with emotions.

"**WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE SUCH PAIN?! I WAS ONCE A PUPPET WITHOUT FEELINGS BUT _HE_, HE MELTED MY LOUSY WEAK HEART DAMN IT!!" **

"Lavi!" a female's voice called out, "Please stop!" she whispered.

I shook my head violently causing my head band and eye patch to fall off.

"**MY HEART! IT'S BROKEN! I DON'T WANT ALL THESE COMMITMENTS! I DON'T NEED IT AT ALL! ALL I WANT IS YUU! IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!"** I shouted furiously still kicking to free myself wildly but those four pairs of hands were just so stubborn and persistent.

I was getting angrier and angrier by the seconds; I looked around me to see whose arms were those and was surprised to see Allen, Krory, Miranda and Leenale grabbing me with all their might. All my friends' eyes, they were filled with_ tears_.

"**WHY ARE YOU STOPPING ME?!**" my kicks and shoves grew more violent then before. My head felt dizzy. I wanted to puke. That pain in my chest was unbearable. I just want to_ die_.

"**AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!"** I screamed with all my heart in frustration, sadness, pain, tiredness, anger, tears rolling down my eyes freely as I still kicked and shove.

"**LET ME GO!!!!HANDS OFF ME!!!"**

I felt tired. Really, really tired. I just want to curl up in a corner and sleep for the rest of my life.

I cried. Tears rolled on and on and on down my emerald green eyes. Energy drained from my body as I continued to kick and shove a few more times weakly 'till I finally stopped. My body was carefully lain down on the cold stone floor. I was shaking so much from anger and fury.

"**AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!**" I screamed again, this time, for my broken heart, bringing my own hands to cover my face, smearing my face with blood. As I cried brokenly, I heard my friends cried along with me.

"**WHY CAN'T YOU SEE?"** I screamed breathlessly, still fighting for the hands to get off me. "Why can't you all see just how much…how hurt my _heart_ is?" I whispered brokenly sitting up on the floor numbly.

Hands and arms stopped gripping and slowly circled me into a group hug comfortingly. All of them were crying hard.

"Why can't you see….?" I whispered shakily. "Just how much….how much **I love him**." I lifted my lifeless eyes to see Komui, old panda, Jerry and Marie standing before me. Komui was crying behind his hand brokenly, so was Jerry. Tears rolled down Marie's eyes and old panda stared down at his feet.

"Why can't you all understand…?" I mumbled, tears spilling down my face. "…just how much _**I love Yuu**_." I yelled brokenly.

Slowly my eyes blurred. Images in front of me waved and spun, I couldn't see clearly any more. I felt like there was not one ounce of energy left in my body and my head hurts like hell, probably due to lack of oxygen. I had problem calming my pounding heart down. Suddenly, I felt sleepy and very exhausted. I just want to close my eyes and sleep right in the spot.

"**I love Yuu _so much_**…" I whispered one last time, still crying.

Every muscle in my body relaxed and I closed my eyes; my head fell backwards and dropped onto someone's lap.

"Lavi! Lavi! Wake up!" I heard my friends' voice calling out to me frantically. I opened my eyes a little to see them in front of me, every tiny movement of my body suddenly seemed very pain.

"Can you hear me? **LAVI**!" Miranda asked, anxiety in her eyes, patting my shoulder.

"Someone! _Help_!" I heard another voice shout from behind me and I heard a lot of footsteps in the distance running approaching us. It was Allen that who shouted. So, that was his lap that I was laying on.

"Lavi," Krory called out to grab my attention. I moved my eyes lazily to the side to him and saw Leenale crying behind him. "**Don't sleep!** **Stay with me!"**

I closed my eyes again. _Its okay my friends_, I wanted to say but no words came out of my mouth.

I'm tired. I don't want to go on anymore. Without Yuu I am_ nothing_.

The voices around me started to fade. Everything seemed so distant and unimportant. Before I knew it, all I saw was pitch black. I passed out.

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**Huh...That was hard to write... It's the most dramatic and painful chapter I've ever written...Lavi's outburst must be the worst one ever in Bookman history!! I hope it's good...I nearly kicked myself for making Lavi so miserable....This is the second last chapter people!! One more to go..YAY!!!...**

**Leave a comment if you like and I hope you enjoyed it...**


	12. Chapter 12

**I wish I own this anime...But no such luck...Okay people..This is the last part.. Sorry for the long wait, I was busy with my trials exam...Please excuse me for my lousy grammar and enjoy this little story of mine!!**

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_**You're everything, I'm nothing, and together we're something.**_

_It was raining. It was raining really hard. Splitter and splatter, splitter and splatter. The sound of Heaven's tears hit the earth in a melancholy tune. I stood there alone. Under the great gray sky, the tears hit me, drenching me to the skin. My black shirt and white tight pants clung to me like a second skin. I felt cold._

_Suddenly, I saw a figure not too far away from me. It looked like a girl with pretty long black hair… No, wait, I squinted at the figure that stood alone there. It was a guy; he was too tall to be a girl. His hair was tied up in a high pony tail with a long sword hung by his hips._

_Who is he?_

_He was looking up at the sky, letting the rain hit his tall lanky body. I took a step forward to have a closer look. He had these beautiful mesmerizing midnight blue eyes that held nothing but sadness and coldness. Why?_

_"Yuu." My mouth called out a name towards that figure. What? Yuu? Who's that? Do I know him?_

_My legs took a step forward. Why? Why is my heart beat increasing?_

_"Yuu." My mouth called again, this time in desperation. The figure stood there unmoving. Maybe he didn't hear my mouth's call, but why is my mouth acting on its own? Shouldn't you listen to me? Your brain?_

_My legs took a few more steps towards the tall figure. Now, I could make out that his had this face that looked like an angel. A fallen angel with pale milky skin and full lips that were set in a straight line. He looked beautiful. His coat, it was long and black. There was an odd yet familiar white crest on his left chest. He was wearing leather boots. Everything looked so familiar but why did he felt so far away?_

_My hand reached out in front of me to him. Great, now even my hand is disobeying me. I got close enough to feel the warmth of his body. Yes. There is no mistake. It certainly felt familiar, but my dear heart, why are you hurting?_

_Suddenly he started to walk away, as though he didn't see me, as though he couldn't hear my calls, as though he didn't know me. His long drenched coat waved behind him with his every step._

_"No, wait!" my mouth called out, my half-gloved hand tried to grab his shoulder but he was getting far away. My body that felt it doesn't belongs to me started moving towards that figure called 'Yuu'._

_"Yuu!" my mouth called again, desperation in my voice. I started running. Under the heavy misty rain I ran towards that figure but the distance between us seems to grow larger and larger. I ran and ran till me legs gave off beneath me but my hand; it was still reaching out to him. My dear heart, why are you bleeding?_

_"Yuu! Don't go!" my mouth called out brokenly in a voice I don't recognize anymore. The figure disappeared in the darkness of rain. Yes. He's gone. His back walking away from me was a vivid image that kept appearing in my mind._

_A lump formed in my throat. Tears stung my lids and welled behind my eyes. Without realizing, it slipped and fell down my cheeks mingling with the rain._

_"Yuu…" my mouth whispered as I knelt on the cold wet grounds crying brokenly. My dear heart, did you just break in there?_

My brain suddenly jumped back to life, back to reality. I struggled in my sleep and snapped my eyes open. Tears slipped down from the corners of my eyes. I stared up at the dimly lit ceiling, for a moment, all I heard was my own irregular breathing.

It was only a dream.

I reached out a hand to wipe away my tears with my brain sending messages to me, telling me that my head hurts. My lips were dry and capped. Not to mention I feel weak and dizzy and I've only just woke up! I looked around and my brain told me I was lying on a bed in the infirmary. So I wasn't dead huh? I looked down at my right hand, the one hand that I use to write. It was bandaged with clean white cloth, stained a little with my blood.

I sighed. How long have I been asleep? My emerald green eyes traveled around the dark room and stopped at a clock by my bedside. 5.38 am.

Memories flashed back as I tore my gaze from the clock back to the white ceiling. I messed up big time. Old panda will certainly fire me from being his apprentice. I sighed. I hate my life.

"Yuu." I called out his name, hoping and wishing with all my heart I could see him once more. I gaze at the side of my bed, every time I'm hurt or sick or anything, Yuu will be right there by my bedside when I wake up. Always. Oh, how I missed those lovely long black hair that sometimes appeared dark blue under the moonlight and those soulful deep sapphire eyes that showed so much love for me and only me.

I missed how he would hold my hand when I have nightmares and I missed the way he always say I'm a wimp even though he didn't really mean it. Yes. That's Yuu. The man I had fallen head over hells with, there will be no other person in this whole lousy wide world can ever replaced him. Nobody is as arrogant and aggressive as he is. Nobody is as beautiful as he is. Nobody is as sharp and strong as he is. Nobody is as soft and gentle as he is.

I love him so much.

Tears stung my lids and welled behind my eyes again at my thoughts. I rolled sideways and pulled my blanket up to my head when tears started to fall.

The next time my eyes crack open again, I squinted under the bright sun light from the window and saw a ring of face surrounding me. Leenale looked worried. Miranda looked anxious. Marie looked calm. Bookman looked empty (as always). Two nurse blushed when I caught them starring at me from the foot of my bed. Head nurse looked doubtful. Krory, Komui and Allen looked so tragic, I snapped at them.

"I'm not lying in my coffin you know." Everyone's face relaxed with relieve at my comment.

"How are you Lavi?" Leenale asked frowning worriedly. I smiled.

"Much better."

"Finally you're awake. We were so worried about you." Allen said smiling weakly.

Komui and Jerry started to cry behind their hands. I laughed at them.

"Come on, don't cry. I'm fine aren't I?" I reached out my hands to touch their fore arms. Both of them looked down at me stunned.

"I'm sorry Lavi," Komui mumbled, looking remorse.

I shook my head and smiled.

"Don't be, it's not your fault." I said sincerely. His lips started trembling and he flung his whole body onto me hugging me close crying into my shoulder. I laughed at the older Chinese man.

"Don't be a baby." I patted his back and everyone else laughed when a red faced Leenale tried to pull his wailing brother away from me.

Everyone was silent for a few comfortable minutes.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked scratching my messy red hair.

"Two weeks," Allen replied flatly.

"What?!" I sat up on my bed. "Two weeks? Impossible!"

"Nonsense." The head nursed smacked Allen's head with her clip board.

"Oww!" Allen yelp rubbing his head.

"You were unconscious only for three days." Head nurse informed grimly and I sighed with relieve.

"Lousy Moyashi." I muttered under my breath making sure he heard me.

"What?" he looked at me with feigned hurtful expression. I laughed at his expression. It really felt good to have true friends around me when I needed them.

"Thank you for being there for me." I whispered to them smiling sadly. "I'm really glad I have so many friends by my side." All of their faces clouded with emotions making my laugh. I spread my arms and yelled out,

"Group hug!" everyone laughed and complies but Bookman (obviously) and I nearly crushed under their embrace.

"I thought I'd lost you." Allen whispered into my left ear silently. I smiled in the sea of arms.

"Me too." I whispered and he frowned at me without saying another word.

"When can I get outta here?" I asked directing my question to the head nurse. She looked up from her work and looked thoughtful for a moment.

"In another three days, you need to rest. After all, you passed out because of fatigue and emotional breakdown." She shrugged. I swore everyone including me winced at the word 'emotionally breakdown' but nobody said anything about it. Nobody even bring up the little commotion I made, okay, maybe the big commotion. I found out I'd destroyed two corridors but no harm done, nobody's hurt but me and the walls and the floors.

After another hour, everyone left to do their work and the nurse gave me another injection of some sort of medicine that makes me sleep. Bookman stayed behind and I knew he got something to talk about.

He sat down on the chair beside my bed and starred at me for a long time.

"I'm sorry about what happened." I finally whispered apologizing. He continued to stare at me emptily and I ignored him, starting to drift off to another sleep.

"You passed." He said simply after awhile.

I gaze at him.

"Passed what?" I asked frowning.

"The test. You're an official bookman now." We were silent for a few minutes, letting the news sank slowly.

"But I lost control in the end." I said blankly, putting my mask on firmly again.

"I certainly didn't appreciate that part but the head of the clan was happy with the results you made for the past year so he passed you."

I snorted sarcastically.

"And look at the price I paid for this stupid test." I muttered under my breath and pulled my blanket higher up.

"I know I made you sacrifice a lot, but this is reality."

Don't talk to me about reality! You don't know anything! I wanted to snap at him but restrained myself I really don't have the energy to fight again.

The drugs were making me a little dizzy and my eyes started to feel really heavy.

"I hate you gramps." I muttered before closing my eyes so I didn't get to see his expression. There was a long silence until I heard him croaked.

"Me too, I'm sorry."

Yeah, you should be sorry for hurting me to a point of no return.

_**A love that will never die.**_

Winter went and spring came. Flowers bloom again but this year it was different. The sky had been crying everyday since the second week of the season, making it feel like autumn accept for the wilting bright flowers and leaves.

I stepped out of the Black Order towards the forest. Heavy raindrops hit me soaking me to the skin but I didn't care. Nothing really mattered anymore anyway. Since I was discharged, I returned back to normal, well, that was just me wearing my lousy happy façade and of course nobody saw through so it doesn't really matter I guess

I had been like a living dead for the past few weeks. All I ever did was to sit around and mope in my room or the library since gramps went for a mission a couple of days after that and I had nothing to do. When it's time to face the world, I would pull my mask out and slip it on firmly and I'm ready to go again.

My flaming wet hair sticks to my face in a dull red instead of a healthy flame like usual. I walked casually under the trees towards a certain garden somewhere quite deep in the forest.

A gust of lonely wind blew making me shiver with cold. I gaze up at the pouring sky and remembered my little dream.

"Yuu," I whispered his name, hoping the wind could tell him just how much I love him. It had been exactly over a year already. This stubborn heart of mine is still waiting for him.

I arrived at the little garden. All the lovely flowers that Yuu used to grow were wilting (did I mention that Yuu's secret hobby is gardening?). Stalks of red roses were plant right next to a bed of violets. I smiled at the sight.

"Roses are red, Violets are blue, sugar is sweet, so is Yuu." I smiled sadly at the silly riddle that signifies us. Yuu is blue, I am red and he is sweet.

I bend down to peer at the flowers then gaze up at the pouring sky.

"Stop crying will you? The flowers are dying." I asked the sky and it only rained harder.

"I was just asking." I muttered under my breath scowling. I sat down crossed leg in front of Yuu's flowers. They looked so lifeless and dull. Just like my life.

My brain wondered back to the first time I met Yuu. It was so long ago yet it felt like it was just a couple of days ago. I remembered how he hated me that time. I remembered the first time I ran to him when I had a nightmares; he kicked me out and nearly killed me for being so annoying but let me stay for the night in the end. I smiled when I remembered how Yuu said I was a wimp for crying.

Ever since then we grew close. It was when we were just seventeen years old I finally realized I'd fallen in love with him. The look in his eyes when I told him the news and how warm it felt when he kissed me that night in the infirmary.

The scent of Yuu was always sweet and comfortable, even when he sweats. I especially love his hair when he sleeps; it looked like someone had accidentally spilled ink onto his pillow and those lovely midnight blue eyes fringed with long dark lashes. Even though he rarely shows his concern, I can certainly feel it just how much he cared for me.

I bit my lower lip in anger and sadness and frustration as I remembered the pain, loneliness, agony I'd went through when he is not here. I love him so much.

I looked down at my hands, suddenly felt an urge to cry. Tears welled behind my eyes and rolled down mingling with the rain so nobody could make out I was crying.

Under the rain, I sat there in front of the flowers sobbing silently. For my broken heart, for my Yuu.

"You know," I whispered to the flowers. "Life is really unfair. Including yours."

I paused for a moment.

"My life used to be a simple one. My job is to witness and write down history. I was a puppet without feelings controlled by strings. It wasn't until I met him; he melted my hard cold heart and taught me what love really meant. But… who knew love could hurt so much."

"You know," I smiled at the memory. "Once when we were fifteen, I covered myself with red paint and laid on my room's floor playing dead when I knew he would come to look for me. You should have seen the look on his face. Priceless. He was so shocked, he cried out my name."

I made a face at the next memory.

"Though he gave me a real hard punch when he found out it was all a joke. But that shows he cares for me right?" I asked the flowers but only silence answered me.

The wind blew, I shivered again.

"But all was too far away now. He is so out of reach. If only I could hold him in my arms once again so I could tell him…" I choke on my words with tears.

"Tell him what?"

"Just how much I love him." I said without thinking through my sobs.

_**My angel came back to me.**_

I blanched when I realized what I'd just said and that voice, it sounded so familiar.

"Lavi," the voice said from behind me.

My whole body went rigid when I recognized that voice. My breath turned short and irregular as I slowly stood up.

It can't be. This voice, no, it can't be.

I turned around and my heart stopped beating. It was Yuu. My Yuu. Standing right before me looking as beautiful as ever. My brain was sending messages to me telling me it's not a dream this time. It's really him right there in front of me in flesh and blood.

My eyes took all his information in. Those lovely sapphire blue eyes, that perfect straight nose, those gorgeous long black hairs that was tied up in a high pony tail. That smirk on his face. Unmistakable, it really was Yuu.

I stood there starring at him stunned and speechless. Emotions swelled in me making me wanna burst. My intestines tied themselves into knots making my stomach churned. Is this really happening? Is the person I love really right in front of me? Or is it because I finally got schizophrenia?

I watched him took a few steps towards me until we were just a foot away. I gazed at him in confusion. I thought he couldn't come back? Is this a dream? If this is a dream, please don't ever wake me up again.

"Lavi," his low voice called out my name and made my heart skipped a beat. I looked at him deeply in the eyes, tears welled behind my own.

"Yuu," his name escaped from my lips and tears started to roll like rivers down my cheeks. Slowly, two cold familiar pale hands touched my face so lightly and wiped away the tears. My heart started to jerk funnily.

"I'm back like I promised." He whispered. I closed my eyes and bit my lip from crying. Reaching out my hands to touch his cheeks and hair so gently as if he would break, I lost control and started to cry brokenly.

My arms circled him around that familiar small waist and pulled him into my chest hugging him tightly.

"Yuu…" I whispered crying into his already drenched shoulders taking in that same sweet smell of his that I could never get tired off. "What took you so long?"

"I'm sorry." He muttered and hugged me back circling his arms tightly around me.

"I'm so sorry." His low voice whispered over and over again in a soft tune he would never use for anyone else but me.

"I missed you so much." I said brokenly.

"Me too." I pulled away a little just enough to look him and saw tears falling from his eyes, mingling with the rain. My Yuu had never looked prettier.

"One year." I said pressing me forehead onto his and cupped his soft pale face in my hands.

"I waited so long for you? Is this a dream?" my voice was shaky and he shook his head violently against mine.

"No, this is not a dream you idiot." He whispered assuring me.

We stood there under the rain crying our eyes out. My love came back to me. Yuu came back to me to gently take away my pain.

"I saw what happened." He whispered to me, our forehead still leaning on each other.

"What?" I gazed deep into his sad cold blue eyes.

"The little commotion you made."

"How?" I asked but he bit his lip and gripped a fistful of my shirt on my left chest.

"I saw everything through Timcanpy. How you tried to kill Bookman and wrecked two whole corridors. I saw how you shouted and screamed and how they tried to stop you." His dark fringe hung in wet strings just below his brows as tears rolled down his eyes. It was the first time I'd ever seen him cry and I'm the source of his sadness.

Damn Allen his golem.

"Don't cry Yuu. It's nothing. I'm fine now." I tried to assure him and pulled him back to a bone crushing hug.

"What matters the most now is you're right here by me. That's all I need." I said into his hair. Yes, all I need is Yuu to be right here by me. Nothing else mattered at all.

"I love you." A voice whispered into my ear. I froze.

"I love you so much, Lavi." His voice was barely audible but my trained ears caught his words. How could I miss it?

I pulled away and looked at him deeply in the eyes. All my emotions were bare for him to see.

Slowly, carefully, I cradled him in my arms and inched close until our lips met. A sudden warmth hit me, a warmth I could never get enough of. He was taken aback for a moment by my sudden action but kissed back softly.

I could sense his longing feelings on my lips. How I'd dream to kiss again once more just like this. His lips were soft and warm and tasted as sweet as best honey in the world.

He reached out his hands and touched my flaming red hair pulling me closer and deepened our kiss. This feeling in me, it felt like a volcano trying not to erupt. My bit his lower lip, asking for entry and he complied with no complains. My tongue explored his mouth, tasting his sweet taste like I just can't get enough.

He moaned a little as our tongue danced together danced in perfect rhythm. Slowly, the unbearable pain I felt in my chest eased. My broken heart started to mend, mitigating all the awful and painful feelings.

Tears made their way to my eyes and rolled down like rivers again. He licked them away.

"Don't be a wimp, stop crying." He said in a cold demeanor but his red swollen lips smiled at me. I grinned back and put my lips back right where they belonged on his.

"Why don't you guys just get a room." A loud childish voice suddenly said from behind us and Yuu groaned and pulled away to look who it was.

"Moyashi."

"Bakanda." They greeted each other. Almost everyone from the Black Order was standing not far away from us smiling under the rain. Komui, Jerry, Leenale, Miranda, Reever and many others were crying to see us.

I smiled widely at them and waved. I held Yuu's hand firmly in mine and looked at him deeply in the eyes.

"Welcome home Yuu." I smiled happily. A smile that reached my deep emerald green eyes and Yuu couldn't help but smile back making his whole face lit up beautifully.

"Group hug!" I yelled spreading my arms wide and everyone smiled and started to comply.

"Che, no way." Yuu spat moving away before anyone could touch him but I pulled him back.

"No getting away now Yuu." I smiled and he growled when a sea of arms pulled us into a bone crushing hug making me laugh. Yes, this funny warmth I felt in my chest was what people would call happiness. Suddenly everything felt right and I'm _alive_ again.

I saw gramps standing outside the ring of crowd starring at me with a little light in his eyes. I smiled and walked up to him and gave the short old man a big hug.

"Thank you for bringing him back to me." I thanked him softly.

"Hmn," he answered patting my back softly.

"Just be happy lousy apprentice and stop causing troubles for me." he said pushing me away back towards Yuu and I only laughed.

I held Yuu's hand firmly in mine as we all made our back to Black Order. The place I call home. I glanced at my love from the corner of my eye and couldn't resist another kiss on the lips.

"Like I said, why don't you two just get a room?" Allen said rolling his stormy gray eyes at us.

"Che, you're just jealous." Yuu spat gripping my hand tightly.

Allen gasped.

"Bakanda!" he yelled but he wasn't listening anymore. He was looking at me. I smiled at him then at Allen.

"Tonight," I announced to him. "We'll be in his room." Allen blushed at my bold words and others only laughed.

"Who said you could come tonight?" He looked at me coldly and I smiled cheekily at him.

"Don't leave me again." I then whispered seriously. He stood there unmoving for a moment.

"I won't leave you again." He finally reluctantly spat. Yuu had not changed at all; he was soft only when we were alone.

"I love you so much, I won't let you go again." I said softly touching his long wet hair. He blushed and looked away muttering something like 'idiot' but I knew he felt the same way too.

Today he came back to me and took away all the pain I felt. I am so happy to be able to kiss him and hold him in my arms once again. This is only our first test and we had passed. I'm sure there will be more to come in the future but I'm sure and confident we could overcome it as long as we have each other. Nothing will stop us from loving each other. There will be no obstacles we couldn't overcome...

My name is Lavi, his name is Yuu and we are eighteen. I am a bookman with commitments, he is an exorcist with burdens. Our hearts were once hard and cold but somehow, somewhere along the way we fell in love and this is the only beginning of our story.

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**Finally it's finished...I'm sorry if the ending is not very satisfying.. I'm not really good at happy endings...I hope you all enjoyed this story and thank you so much for reading... Leave a comment if you want even if it's a criticism..  
**

**If you feel kinda depressed right now like me..(since the happy ending was not great)... Go check out my other story(same pairing) with a tragic ending called "Smile Only When You Mean It"...I'm sure all the depressed people who wants a little cry will like that story...**

**Here's the link : .net/s/4985018/1/Smile_Only_When_You_Mean_It**

**Enjoy!  
**


	13. EXTRA!

**I wish I own this anime...But no such luck...Okay people...This is something extra that would certainly make you smile...Hell, I myself smiled all the way writing this...Hope you enjoy the extra...And oh...Please excuse me for my lousy grammar!**

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_**One smile, that's all I need to see to live another day.**_

I shifted slightly in my bed but something prevents me from doing so. Something big, soft and warm was at my back. I frowned in my sleep. Why does it felt so comfortable?

Rolling over to see what that _thing_ was, my heart nearly failed at the sight I saw. An angel with long black locks was lying right next to me, sleeping soundly. He was sleeping by his sides, a hand under his pillow, and the other rest somewhere near his face.

His pale smooth face looked beautiful and serene, framed by his perfect straight nose and black bangs that lay just below his brows. His rosy full lips were slightly parted and trust me; I had never seen anyone looked as beautiful as he is.

The soft morning light from the window was shinning softly on him making him glow. My heart did a funny jerk in my chest making want to cry in happiness.

If this is a dream, please don't wake me up ever again. I thought as I reached out a hand to push a long strand away from his face and tucked it behind his ear making him moan a little at the contact.

I sighed inwardly with happiness. I love him so much. Slowly, his eye lids fluttered open and revealed two gorgeous midnight blue eyes. I smiled.

"Morning Yuu," I whispered expecting him to roll his eyes in return but instead, both sides of his lips lifted cracking his lovely face into an angelic smile.

I must have given him a stupid dumbfounded look, since, Yuu never smiled like that before.

"What?" he asked softly in concern as his smile dropped. Quickly wiping the stupid look from my face, I smiled charmingly at him.

"I love you." I whispered shifting closer to him. His cheeks turned pink and he frowned at me, didn't know how to react to my words. Then a few moments later, he smiled again at me.

I reached out a hand to touch his blushing cheeks lovingly, he did not pull away, he just gazes at me with his lovely sapphire blue eyes.

"Time to get up." He muttered after a couple of minutes and started to sit up in the bed, pushing our blanket away.

"Wait," I said pulling him back beside me.

"What?" he looked at me puzzled.

"Do I get a morning kiss?" I asked innocently and he blushed.

"Go kiss yourself idiot." He mumbled and tried to get up again but my hand gripped his wrist tightly.

"Please." I pouted.

"No."

"Please! With all the sugars and honeys and _soba_ on top?" He paused for a moment looking troubled then slowly leaned forward to me 'till our lips met. A sudden warmth hit me making my heart jump a mile.

I kissed back softly, lovingly, tangling my hands with his long locks while he circled his arms around me neck. That happiness I felt in my chest, God, how do I begin to tell you?

My tongue licked his lower lip a few times before he opens up and let me in, our tongues danced in a prefect rhythm. He leaned closer to deepen our kiss making me moan softly.

When we finally pulled away to catch our breath, I smiled happily at him, content. He lay there beside me, his cheeks burning red and lips swollen.

"Yuu," I snaked my arms around his slim waist pulling him into my chest.

"Hmm?"

"Just one question?" I mumbled into his long sweet smelling hair.

"What is it?" his tone was soft and light,_ so_ unlike the cold tone he use when we were not alone.

"Where have you been exactly for the past whole year?"

I felt his breath at my ear and hair.

"I was in the Asian Branch." I felt his every word in my hair.

"What?!" I drew away a little to look him in the eyes, annoyed.

"They sent you half way across the world? How could they do that?" his eyes widen by my sudden raise of voice but then soften smiling lightly.

"I'm here now aren't I?" he asked. I paused for a moment and pulled him back into my embrace tightly.

"Yeah," I sighed. "You are all I need." I pulled away again and locked our lips together again to show just how much he meant to me. He accepted happily.

I rolled over and straddled him. He pulled away looking up at me and frowned.

"What now?"

I smiled evilly.

"Yuu," I cooed into his ear making him shiver.

"How 'bout we do again the little _thing _we did last night." I said as I sneaked a hand under his shirt.

He blushed and looked away.

"What about breakfast?" he mumbled. He looked so cute blushing.

"I'll eat you." I whispered huskily and started planting butterfly kisses on his neck, making him shudder.

"L-Lavi." He moaned when I sucked his sensitive skin around his neck.

"Hmm? What? You want more? Of course." I smiled and my mouth started making their way down lower and lower and _lower. _I saw him bit his lip, trying to hold back his moans when my lips reached_ that_ part.

"I love you Yuu." I said softly but seriously. There was no respond from him so I looked up at him face. His cheeks were bright red and he looked at me with eyes filled with love.

"I love you too Lavi." He smiled, one filled with true feelings and _lust_. I chuckled and resumed my job making him moan my name over and over and _over_ again. Nothing could sound or look more beautiful then Yuu. _**My**_ Yuu. He is the centre of my world..

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**Heheh...How was it?**** This chapter made me all warm and fuzzy inside...**** Sorry I didn't write _all the way.._I just want to keep my rate at T..For the perverted ones(like me)..Sorry for disappointing you... Hope you guys liked it!! **


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